Opening The Vault: Part Forty Three

Rekindling an old flame can be either a romantic stroll down memory lane or a recipe for disaster (or, sometimes, both). With my high school prom date Hogan, it was unequivocally the former when we reunited during the fall of 1996.

All Smiles: Hogan took this picture of me and our good friend Linda, Toronto, October 1996

At the time, my relationship with then-boyfriend Larry was on the rocks, as I struggled to cope with my mother’s breast cancer. I desperately needed to get away, and so I did -- to Toronto, my former hometown, and Hogan’s loving arms. I now Open The Vault and take you back to October ‘96...

Toronto, Ontario
October 11, 1996

Dear Diary,

Hogey and I spent much of last night reminiscing about the prom and people we knew during our high school days. Then, with some Bordeaux and candlelight to complete the mood, we settled in for some smooching and what was one of the most fulfilling, memorable conversations I’ve ever had with a man.

We talked at great length about our romantic expectations and philosophies on relationships. We are remarkably close in thought on so many things.

It dawned on me that, once again, a man I could have something serious with is too many miles away. But, then again, I wouldn’t change a thing about what Hogan and I have. I think it’s because of the distance that we’ve remained part of each other’s lives and I want that to continue.

At one point, during dinner, I was telling him how my best friend in college had let me down after she moved back to Malaysia. Hogan reached across the table and took my hand. He’s so loving and compassionate. Maybe someday, I’ll be lucky enough to find a guy like him in New York.

* * *

October 14, 1996

After a passionate morning cuddle, Hogey and I walked hand in hand around his neighborhood. He gushed about the spendours of fall and coming to visit me in Kansas if I move there someday to work for a local TV station.

At the airport, we held each other and said what a great time we’ve had. Squeezing Hogan’s hand, I said--

“Don’t ever change.”

He smiled, as he said--

“I’ll change -- but we’ll change together, like we have all of these years.”

I couldn’t agree more. We kissed tenderly before walking arm in arm to the gate. We embraced again.

“I’ll miss you,” Hogan said, kissing me one more time.

“I’ll miss you too,” I said, pulling him even closer. We stole one more kiss and our hands slowly parted as I walked toward the gate. I kept looking back at him until he blew me a final kiss and left.

I told Hogan I have two male categories -- one for the disappointments I’ve dated and another strictly for him. He’ll always be special to me. And I have a sneaking suspicion that the feeling is mutual.

* * *

My blissful reunion with Hogan found me questioning the merit of continuing things with Larry. Once I was back in New York, it didn’t take long for me to do something about it.

Renewing Old Flames

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of watching my aunt and uncle celebrate their 25th anniversary by renewing their wedding vows. The ceremony was doubly moving given their history together – teenage sweethearts who married young, divorced after three years, then found their way back to one another.

As I watched them promise to always be there for each other, I couldn’t help thinking about second chances in love, and about some of the old flames that I’ve revisited over the years.

Brooklyn-born financial analyst Larry set a standard that few other suitors have been able to match in terms of both courting and smarts. His dizzying intellect captivated me (and had me consulting a dictionary on more than one occasion despite my background as an English major), while his insistence upon making an event out of every evening we shared took us on a regular tour of NYC’s most romantic restaurants.

It took two breakups—precipitated mostly by a 16-year age difference that found us at different places in our lives—for me to walk away from this teddy bear of a guy. We nevertheless kept in touch, and nearly a decade later, rekindled the sparks between us. Unfortunately, timing was once again our foe, as I was on the rebound from another relationship.

Southern Illinois native Steve and I first crossed paths as I was wrapping up my Midwestern stint as a local TV reporter. The intoxicating chemistry between us led me to change my return flight to New York three times. A true romantic with the soul of a poet, Steve reawakened my heart after a long, lonely year and a half of being alone and trying to come to terms with my mother’s death.

Geography, among other things, got in the way and we called it quits after a few months—until finding our way back to each other the following year. Though part-time paramours is all that fate ultimately had in mind for us, I’m glad we didn’t let that stand in the way of trying again. We remain good friends and Steve is now happily married.

Though reconciling with Larry and Steve didn’t culminate in happily ever after, my aunt and uncle are living proof of the joy that can come from revisiting old flames. After all, love is always worth the gamble.