As you cross the one year mark in a relationship, you can’t help thinking about what it’s taken to reach that milestone -- and what it will take to reach future ones. I had all of this on my mind back in 1999, when I celebrated one year with then-boyfriend David.
In The Den: I was sitting here with David during our heart to heart (June 1999)
The beginning of our anniversary weekend got off to a rocky start. A big night out at a charity gala proved to a big disaster while I struggled to cope with David being in one of his silent moods. The evening’s end found us having a tough conversation about our different temperaments. I now Open The Vault and take you back to June of ‘99..
June 21, 1999
New York, NY
David said that, at the gala, he had no idea anything was wrong because I just took off with my friend and he assumed I just wanted some girl time.
“I’m not a mind reader and you should’ve told me what was bothering you,” he said.
On this, I had to concede was right and I apologized. Still, I would not back down on the issue of me having to carry the weight of our relationship. I told him back in January that I need him to take a more active role.
His behavior at the Copa was a reminder that I still have to decide what we do when we’re together, to plan everything, and I’m tired of it.
“I feel like those conversations might as well have never happened,” I told him.
“The easy thing to do would be to walk out the door,” David said in a shaky voice. “But I haven’t. I’m trying harder with you than I have with anybody in my entire life. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anybody in my entire life.”
“I love you too,” I said.
I moved into his arms and we were quiet for a few minutes until D said--
“I know,” I said flatly. “You always are.”
Squeezing me tightly, he said softly.
“I’m trying, Mel.”
“I know,” I replied.
And we kissed.
* * *
Saturday, exactly 365 days after we met for the first time, D and I decided to recreate our first date and do another pub crawl, this time in my neighborhood. I was feeling very nostalgic -- and then very disappointed when David called to tell me he was too sick to come over. No ‘Happy Anniversary,’ no ’I love you.’
Coming so soon after Thursday’s disaster, this was the last thing I needed. I had reached a breaking point.
* * *
Our anniversary would take another surprising turn, while a trio of weddings forced me to decide my fate with David for better or worse.