Dating Help From Three Matches

Whether it’s online dating or speed dating, I’m a big believer in taking advantage of modern methods for meeting the opposite sex. That said, I’ve always been curious about a more traditional resource – the matchmaker.

I think there’s something endearingly old fashioned about entrusting your romantic fate to an expert, not to mention the appeal of saving time by having potential partners selected for you.

And, as a thirtysomething single, I would welcome the opportunity to sit down with a matchmaking pro and explore where my romantic journey has taken me so far, and where I hope it will lead in the future.

Thanks to their generous invitation, that’s a conversation I’m looking forward to having with the team at Three Matches.

Founded by mother and daughter team Margaux & Nicole, Three Matches connects couples in London, Paris, Tel Aviv, Montreal, Miami as well as here in New York. With blind dates becoming an increasingly rare occurrence in Gotham, it will be fun to find out who Three Matches pairs me up with.

What do you think about matchmakers? Yea or nay?

Coming up…A meet and greet with VH-1 “Tough Love” host Steve Ward and gearing up for my Grand 2010 plan.

The Smart Woman's Guide To Online Dating

When it comes to candid, common sense talk about sex and dating, nobody does it better than fellow NYC-based blogger Simone Grant. Now, Simone is sharing her wisdom about looking for love in cyberspace in The Smart Woman’s Guide To Online Dating.

Simone Grant demystifies the often-tricky world of online dating in her fabulous e-book (photo courtesy: 2ChicksInc)

Based upon a decade of experience with meeting men online, the e-book covers everything you need to know about Internet dating -- from identifying which dating site is right for you and selecting which photo(s) to include in your profile, to the most effective ways to communicate with potential dates.

Simone shares my view that, if meeting a guy face to face is your end goal, skip the IM/chat function and head straight to email and phone. And, she says, stick to a two-week rule of graduating from initial contact to getting together in person.

If you’re looking to save yourself time and make the most of online dating, this is the guide for you. Click here to get a copy.

Dinner With An Online Dating Trailblazer

Wednesday, I headed over to Tenzan restaurant in Midtown for dinner with Dating Revolution founder and CEO Ross Felix.

Tenzan: The Midtown outpost of this Upper West Side eatery offers swift service & tasty sushi

Over a delicious selection of sushi rolls, we talked about the highs and lows of online dating, and being single in New York.

Whether it’s following certain rules or throwing out the playbook altogether, many Gotham singles seem to think there’s a strategy that has to be followed when it comes to making a lasting connection. Ross and I both agreed that common sense and putting yourself out there are the most important keys to dating success.

A JDate.com success story, Ross -- with the support and creative input of his fiancée – is breathing new life into the Internet dating space. Currently in beta testing mode, Dating Revolution will offer a number of safeguards and tools that Match.com and other existing sites don’t.

Dating Revolution will solicit member feedback to help enforce dater honesty, while color coded searching will make it easier to find matches faster. And you can also maximize opportunities for connecting by joining niche communities within the site specific to religion, hobbies, etc.

For a limited time, membership to the site is free. Click here to find out more.

Another Great First Date...To Nowhere

Tuesday night, I enjoyed another fabulous first date with a guy that I met at HurryDate – one that has me rethinking my approach to dating in NYC.

Bombay-born Taz and I met up at the swanky Chambers Hotel in Midtown for drinks. We settled into a cozy corner of the upstairs bar (complete with a sofa and hardcover coffee table books), where the conversation was as smooth as the service and menu selections.

The Chambers Hotel: A great date spot

Over cocktails, yummy appetizers and – unexpectedly – milk and cookies, Taz and I found plenty to talk about. Along with the usual first date subjects of career, travel and hobbies, we chatted about U2’s brilliant shows at Giants Stadium and the merits of speed dating versus online dating, i.e., less time wasted on interminable back and forth.

Though we lingered until closing time, neither of us wanted to call it a night so we walked a few blocks to Papillon, an inviting bistro and bar.

Finally, after nearly four hours of effortless conversation and playful teasing, it was time to say goodnight. Taz leaned in for a quick kiss before taking off.

He texted me the next day to say what a great time he had. And, much like fellow HurryDater John, that’s the last I heard from him.

Having gone on two great first dates to nowhere in a row now, I can’t help thinking about the lopsided female-male ratio here. And how it breeds a plenty-of-fish mindset among NYC men – especially among those who belong to the thirtysomething age bracket.

I’m also thinking that I had it right in my early twenties when I dated older men. It’s time to up the age ante and go for the fortysomething bachelors.

Coming up…my first Twitter flirtation and another HurryDate date.

Women In Digital Media Mixer

Tuesday night, I joined my new friend, SingleEdition founder Sherri Langburt at a Women In Digital Media (WIDM) cocktail party.

Held at the fabulously futuristic Sony Wonder Lab in Midtown, the mixer attracted over 100 women from a variety of industries working in the digital media space.

The Schmoozing Scene At Sony (photo courtesy: Aileen Atkins)

Since launching less than a year ago, WIDM has quickly grown from 4 to 400 in membership. Based upon the smart, savvy ladies I met the other night, I’m not surprised.

I chatted with branding consultant Jennifer and TV host Vanessa about the upcoming new webisode series “Girl Blog” and the need for more shows profiling intelligent women.

Upon mentioning Single Gal In The City, Vanessa asked me about the pros and cons of online and speed dating. I told her I’m all for both -- as long as you don't rely on them as your only mechanisms for meeting new people.

Sherri, whose hubby is New Jersey born and bred, says I should cast a wider net geographically speaking. Brooklyn and Westchester speed dating, here I come.

Much as I wanted to continued schmoozing, I had to make an early exit....for my date with HurryDate guy #2.

The Small World Of Online Dating

When you live in a city where single women outnumber their male counterparts by 200,000, it often feels like the universe of available men is a finite one – especially the universe of online dating.

After posting a recap about the singles party that I recently hosted, I heard from a reader who was curious about one of my guests -- JDate.com member and radiologist Jacques, whom I went out with once last spring. It turns out that, six years ago, she also dated Jacques briefly after meeting on a singles trip.

My friend Andrea had her own experience of what a small dating world cyberspace can be. During a night out in Central Park, she ended up sitting next to three girls talking about dating. She overhears one of the ladies mention by name a Match.com guy that Andrea herself had gone out with a few times the month before.

“I just start laughing hysterically,” Andrea says. “She had the same thoughts about him as I did. I so wanted to tell her to go with her gut, but I kept my mouth shut.”

The longer you’re part of the online dating marketplace, the more you find yourself running into the same cast of characters. I’m hoping there won’t be any familiar faces when I make my long-awaited return to speed dating tonight.

The one significant other that I met through speed dating tied the knot last weekend. As I do all of my other exes -- well, most of them anyway – I wish him all the best. Even though it means the pool of old flames whom I can beat to the altar is almost officially dry.

Rationally speaking, I know it shouldn’t be a competition. But, to paraphrase something Sex And The City’s Samantha once said, there’s always a competition with your ex. What’s rational thinking got to do with it?

Contest: Who Has The Best Online Dating Profile

Whether you connect with someone or not, one of the most entertaining parts about online dating is browsing through the many profiles in cyberspace. Now, OKCupid is offering the chance to win $250 with its Who Has The Best Online Dating Profile Contest.

Both members and non-members have the opportunity to vote at OkCupid or through one of a dozen blogs working with the site to showcase the contest. You can check out the contest by clicking on the widget to the right. Or, if you’d like to join the site so that your profile can become a favorite, click here.

The Who Has the Best Online Dating Profile Contest is free and runs through November 30, 2009. Winners will be announced on December 2, 2009. All contest participants will be automatically enrolled in a sweepstakes for $250 cash.

When He Doesn't Take The Hint

It's great when a man takes some initiative about pursuing you. It’s decidedly less appealing, though, when you’re not interested – a fact of which I was reminded recently with two different guys.

First, there was JDate.com member Scott. Prior to our long-delayed second date, I communicated very clearly that I’m not a fan of last-minute plans. After date #2, I received the following text message from him:

“Hey cutie, want to watch a football game tonight at ur place free massage included and btw I’m the best! Xo”

Turned off by his forwardness (not to mention bad grammar), I declined Scott’s invitation. The next day, he followed up with—

“Football tonight? And a spa massage xo”

Equally persistent was the New Jersey resident whom I politely but firmly told by email that I had no romantic feelings for. He said he would like to remain friends, so I invited him to my recent singles party.

He proceeded to suggest (multiple times) that I come to his hometown -- 2 hours from NYC -- so that we could work out together. At the party, I was happily flirting with another guy when Mr. New Jersey sauntered over. He put his arm around me and exclaimed—

“I think you’re just the bomb!”

Talk about a conversation killer. Though Mr. NJ nixed my opportunity with the other guy, he managed to teach me a valuable lesson – when a guy doesn’t seem to be taking the hint that you’re not into him, leave him off of your guest list.

Coming up…a first date raises a big question and a charitable night out with Whoopi Goldberg.

Second Date With A JDater

Wednesday night, my action-packed evening continued at Upper East Side restaurant Trata, where I met up with JDate.com member and pet pharmacist Scott.

Trata: Scott and I met up for drinks at this lively UES Greek restaurant and bar

Having come straight from the gym, Scott showed up wearing spandex shorts, a baseball cap and lots of cologne. Not my first choice for date attire, but his impish grin and warm greeting helped me get past it.

It had been four months since our previous date, so we talked about how we spent our respective summers. Scott spent most of his on the beach at Fire Island, co-habitating with six female friends.

Speaking of other women, Scott’s Blackberry buzzed while he was in the restroom. I stole a quick glance at it (I know, tsk tsk), noticing a message from ‘Nicole-J Date’ that she was looking forward to seeing him. A message next to hers from me was filed under my JDate username. Ahh, the romance of online dating.

Though it was fun catching up with Scott, date #2 confirmed we’re better off as friends – and reminded me that, the older you get, the quicker you can tell whether or not there’s a mutual spark.

Seeing Scott also got me to thinking how much more fun it is to be on the prowl when you’re not doing it through cyberspace. Tonight, one of my best galpals and I will be heading down to one of NYC’s hottest neighborhoods for some mingling. Watch this space to see where the night takes us.

An Action-Packed Wednesday

It’s not often that you can triple book yourself successfully. Last night, I managed to pull it off, bouncing between two networking encounters and a date.

The Down Town Association: A classy club in NYC’s Financial District

First, I headed to the Down Town Association on Wall Street, to catch up with fellow Columbia j-school alum Eddie and a few of his friends. A grand, inviting space -- high ceilings, mahogany paneling, etc. -- the DTA is a perfect setting for convivial conversation. We talked about website launches, the current state of comedy and the club’s 90% male membership. Sign me up.

Next, I hopped in a cab bound for the hip Hudson Hotel in Midtown, where I had the pleasure of meeting up with another j-schooler, travel correspondent Val. Over a quick bite at neighboring pub Coliseum, Val filled me in on her upcoming trip to Mexico and ongoing contentment with her long-term beau. I mentioned my renewed focus on being out and about now that I’ve said sayonara to online dating...for the most part.

Tuesday, I received an unexpected text message from Scott, a JDate.com member with a penchant for last-minute invitations and cutesy text messages (e.g. “Hi Beautiful xo”).

Scott and I had gone out once back in May, then spent the better part of a month texting each other until I decided enough already. I wondered whether a second date would make me reconsider and so, Scott became my final stop of the night.

Farewell To Online Dating

Today, I’m taking down my Match.com profile -- and bidding farewell for the last time to the world of online dating.

After nearly five years of looking for love in cyberspace, and belonging at one time or another to half a dozen different sites, I’ve decided that I belong to the 95% of subscribers who don’t find their match on the Internet.

Much like some of the breakups I‘ve experienced, my exit from online dating has had its false starts. I’ve taken several respites from Match, JDate.com and the like, returning each time to find it even more like seeking out a needle in a haystack.

That said, a few eccentric characters notwithstanding, the parade of men I’ve met online have been decent, respectable types. I even managed to eke out a one year+ relationship and, more recently, a summer romance, from my Match.com tenure.

I’ve witnessed several Internet dating success stories, the last wedding I attended being one of them. But, as with speed dating and various other modern mechanisms for meeting the opposite sex, betting on the online universe is a gamble. And I’m excited to refocus my attentions on vehicles with better odds.

So, as summer draws to a close, I look forward to leaving the virtual singles world behind and fully rediscovering everything that NYC has to offer. After all, in a city ranked by Forbes as being #1 for singles, the possibilities are endless!

The Fickle Finger Of Fate

The other day, my trainer Raj told me about a few recent dating mishaps with his new love interest.

Date one ended in his parents interrupting their goodnight kiss, while date #2 found him in a brawl defending her from the advances of some brutish men. Raj’s date suggested that all of the drama was fate’s way of saying they’re not meant for each other.

As he shared this, I couldn’t help thinking about the fickle finger of fate – and the role it’s played in my own love life.

I’m a believer in signs, especially when it comes to make or break decisions about romance. Recently, I was on the fence about continuing to date hunky cop Rich, largely because of opposite schedules and (very) different emotional styles. After an intense two-hour phone conversation, he told me to sleep on it. Upon later discovering that Rich had logged into Match.com within an hour of our heart to heart, I knew for sure it was time to call it quits.

At the other end of the spectrum, I’ve experienced how the hand of fate can make romance happen against all odds. For me, there’s been no greater example of this than my ill-fated love affair with California-based Mark (a.k.a. Sparky).

A confluence of events led to our unlikely meeting back in ‘94. Knowing we were fans of “NYPD Blue,” a family friend invited us to watch the show filming in the East Village -- an invite that arrived while I was home from college on spring break. I happened to visit the set just a few days before Sparky headed back to L.A., and the rest, as they say, is history.

Though neither Rich nor Sparky turned out to be Mr. Right, they both reinforced my belief that every significant other crosses your path for a reason. If you’re lucky, each partner teaches you something -- whether it’s about yourself, or about what you want (and don’t want) in a partner.

That’s the thing about fate -- it‘s usually a lot smarter than we give it credit for.

Online Dating: Frogs And Princes

As you venture into the world of online dating, you quickly come to discover that it’s populated with colorful characters – many of whom make unusual choices about what to include in their profile.

Back in ’04, my very first online date was with a guy whose profile included undated pictures of him at three very different weights. I’m guessing this was his litmus test for whether size really does matter.

Then there was the “Italian/Cajen electricion” who emailed me to say he was looking for someone he can’t stop thinking of when she’s not around. Less romantic was what he said about his literary habits—

“I like to read the Daily News in the bathroom.”

By far, though, I think my favorite online profile is one that my friend Andrea forwarded to me from a Russian dating site.

Igor, 49, is looking for a girl aged 16-20 to marry. Igor’s profile features photos of him in silk pajamas, a red smoking jacket and a selection of fur coats. And this one:

Igor: Seeking Cinderella online

“The kingdom is expanding," he writes. “But there’s still no worthy Cinderella…to be transformed into a princess, capable of devotion, faithfulness and love (without an 'intimate' past, knowing what's a maiden's honor...). DO NOT WRITE: with superiority complex, counting herself the last girl (literal translation: ass) on the planet, any used-up losers, dating market discards, PEOPLE WITH NON-TRADITIONAL ORIENTATION, jealous idiots whose discussions, questions or advice nobody here needs…Don’t offer your body for sale – I am squeamish.”

After reading this, I was a little squeamish myself.

Coming up...a chic party at NYC's Hudson Terrace and meeting one of the beauty world's rising stars.

Tuesday Night With Lucky Strikes

Last night, I headed down to NYC’s West Village for this month’s meeting of Lucky Strikes, a social media club founded by smart and savvy real estate marketing blogger Rob Hahn (a.k.a. The Notorious R.O.B.).

The dinner confab of a dozen people was held in a cozy, private room at Rocco Restaurant, a venerable Italian eatery that’s been around since the 1920’s and has hosted more than a few mobsters over the years. Rocco serves a mean Caprese salad and the proscuitto and melon is equally mouthwatering.

Rocco Ristorante: Tasty Italian fare served by a truly charming staff

I had the chance to catch up with former Quinn & Co. colleague Allie, who spoke excitedly about her plans to start a freelance digital PR practice when she returns to her native Texas next month. Is there anything more inspiring than someone in the throes of making their entrepreneurial dreams come true?

Rob was joined by marketing maven Michael in a fascinating presentation about social media metrics that engaged everyone.

Once the official conversation was over, talk turned to the single life. New Jersey-based real estate agent (and webisode star) Sarah Bandy and I discussed a future girls night out, never mind her boyfriend. Meanwhile, Michael, who met his last significant other through eHarmony.com, shared a laugh with me over our mutual disdain for the site. Too much time involved, too little of a payoff.

Still, I will say this for the world of online dating. When you least expect it, it's full of surprises.

Coming up...a weekend jaunt to The Poconos and a look at an up and coming rapper.

By The Numbers: One Year Anniversary Edition

It’s official -- Single Gal In The City is one year old.

Much has happened since, at the prompting of my good friend Carla, I entered the blogosphere 365 days ago. From multiple first dates to old flame disappointments, from foot surgery to climbing Sydney’s majestic Harbor Bridge, I’ve covered a lot of ground. Along the way, I’ve fallen in love all over again with my beloved NYC, and with the joys of being single.

Sky high Smile: The view from Sydney’s Harbor Bridge, January 2009

Here are some of the highlights of SGITC’s first year -- By The Numbers:

Number of blog posts (including this one): 386

Number of men mentioned: 22

Number of dates with men met online: 8

Number of encounters with old flames: 3

Number of Opening The Vault posts with entries from old diaries: 40

Number of trips: 9

A travelgirl at heart, I’m excited about the journeys coming up -- including a trip to Chicago and, fingers crossed, my first-ever jaunt to California wine country if I make Murphy-Goode Winery’s Top 10.

And I’m looking forward to many more years of blogging about my adventures. Thanks to all of you out there for joining me in the fun!

An Exhilarating Second Date

Monday night, I went on a second date with Rich, an adorable, engaging cop I met on Match.com.

A month had elapsed since our first date. Why? After Rich’s follow up call, he never received the voicemail I left and assumed I wasn’t interested. I opted to send him an email last weekend saying hello, which is when we discovered technological gremlins had gotten in the way.

We met up for drinks at Midtown watering hole Turtle Bay. More comfortable with each other this time around, we fell quickly into flirting mode, leaning in close as we sat at the bar.

Turtle Bay: my eventful second date with Rich kicked off here

I learned more about Rich, namely that he’s of Aruban descent and knows his stuff when it comes to art and current events. We tested our mutual knowledge of the latter with trivia night at nearby pub Pig ‘N’ Whistle.

It was here that we shared our first kiss of the night. As I told my best friend via text later, major sparks.

After falling from second to third place in the trivia ranks, Rich suggested we move on to our next activity -- karaoke at Mustang Grill on the Upper East Side. I was impressed with his version of the 80’s hit “Here In My Car,” and exhilarated by the chemistry between us.

When we parted, Rich pulled me into his arms for another kiss.

“I feel like I’ve learned a lot about you in a short space of time,” he said.

I felt the same about him. As far as second dates go, it doesn’t get any better than that.

My Internet Radio Debut

Tuesday, I had the pleasure of appearing on Dating Coach Kira Sabin’s weekly show on Blog Talk Radio.

Joined by her sassy, charming British co-host Richard, we talked about making time for romance in your thirties and starting an offline dating revolution -- i.e., encouraging singles to limit their online interacting and get back out in the real world.

Kira cited a sobering statistic about dating websites, and that is they only have a 5% success rate. I can vouch for these unfavorable odds.

I’ve been part of the online dating world for nearly five years now and gone out with dozens of men. During that time, I’ve only had real chemistry with two -- my dog-obsessed ex and, more recently, hunky and multifaceted cop Rich.

Rich and I had our second date earlier this week. Tomorrow…more details about our eventful evening.

Musing About May-December Love

When it comes to May-December romance, I’m about as intimately acquainted with it as Mr. and Mrs. Kutcher.

Ashton and Demi: the poster couple for May-December love

My first two boyfriends were 16 years older than me. And my late and much-loved parents (who adored each other) had a 25-year age difference between them.

For as much, though, as I’ve always been and continue to be drawn to older men, I know the May-December dynamic isn’t for everyone. And that in some cases, it’s downright creepy.

Take, for example, the sixty year old guy who recently emailed my 25-year-old friend Diana through a dating site -- eight times. In his ninth attempt to make contact, he asked why she wasn't responding to his messages.

“Sorry,” she said politely. “I think our age difference is too steep and I'm just not interested. Thanks, though, and good luck!"

His response, as another friend of mine quipped, suggests he hasn’t dealt with rejection since the Reagan years--

“I'm surprised that someone who claims to be so sweet would make a nasty, gratuitous comment like that. A simple no would have been fine. That comment was very nasty for no reason. But I feel better as I never want to be with a mean person and that was, needlessly, mean. I bet I still see your [profile] for a long time.”

I guess even among the AARP set, ettiquette is fleeting in cyberspace.

Up next…drinks with a member of NY’s Finest and Single Gal In The City--the book?

Outrageous Online Dating Tales: Part Two

In the uncertain world of online dating, romantic chemistry isn’t always easy to find. Also increasingly rare – the art of handling rejection gracefully.

Last week, a good friend of mine forwarded me an email exchange with a JDate.com bachelor whom she didn’t feel any sparks with. She politely told him her feelings:

“It was lovely meeting you, though to be honest, I don't think we are a match. I appreciate your not playing games and being very up front - it's sweet and flattering. I know you'll make "the" girl very happy one day. Best of luck in the search.”

This was his grammatically challenged response:

“I guess you should have told me right after we wet for yogurt that you didn’t feel it..I would have saved blowing the additional $20 at the shrimp bar. I would have much rather given the money to some beggar. I try to be mentsch and a gentleman and treat a girl with class, and what I get in return is, as to be expected from women like you, a punch in the gut…

When you are 40, and still single, which I am certain you will still be (no offense, just being candid) you will look back and say: wow I can’t have any kids at this age and I am all alone. There were so many guys out there that were nice to me, but I had to play “Miss Big Shot” and pray that a shining knight on a white horse from Jdate no less, will sweep me off my find. Get real and good luck to you too!”

So much for being a gentleman.

Speaking of ungentlemanly behavior, the above email got me to thinking about one of my online dating horror stories with a guy from TheSquare.com.

Seconds after we met, he said I looked “different” from my profile photo – and that that was neither good or bad.

Upon returning home from our 10-minute date, I couldn’t resist the impulse to email him and say it’s impolite to insult someone straight off the bat. His reply—

“If I had told you what I really thought, you would’ve slapped me across the face.”

And this was from a man whose profile headline read, “Harry Seeking Sally.” Talk about false advertising.

Fortunately, online dating disasters like the above are occasionally balanced out by the unexpected good guy. Coming up…details about my recent encounter with a sweet bachelor in that category.

Online Exposure Of A Different Kind

When you work in journalism or public relations, quoting other people is part of the job. It’s rare to be quoted yourself as an expert -- which is why I was doubly excited to enjoy that particular honor twice recently.

A few weeks ago, my Quinn & Co boss John Frazier and I were interviewed for Bulldog Reporter, a PR trade publication, about our experiences working on Tourism Queensland’s Best Job In The World campaign.

In addition to sharing our observations on why the initiative -- a global search for an Island Caretaker -- has been such a runaway success, we had the opportunity to offer tips to other PR practitioners.

Best Job In The World: Tourism Queensland will announce on Wednesday who the destination’s Island Caretaker will be

Advice of a more personal nature got me quoted in an MSN.com article about online dating. I shared my take on how to avoid getting stuck in email exchanges that go nowhere.

Though I’m still learning how to date smarter -- and how to be a great publicist -- it’s fun to share a little of what I’ve discovered about both along the way.