Monday, May 25, 2009

Musing About May-December Love

When it comes to May-December romance, I’m about as intimately acquainted with it as Mr. and Mrs. Kutcher.

Ashton and Demi: the poster couple for May-December love

My first two boyfriends were 16 years older than me. And my late and much-loved parents (who adored each other) had a 25-year age difference between them.

For as much, though, as I’ve always been and continue to be drawn to older men, I know the May-December dynamic isn’t for everyone. And that in some cases, it’s downright creepy.

Take, for example, the sixty year old guy who recently emailed my 25-year-old friend Diana through a dating site -- eight times. In his ninth attempt to make contact, he asked why she wasn't responding to his messages.

“Sorry,” she said politely. “I think our age difference is too steep and I'm just not interested. Thanks, though, and good luck!"

His response, as another friend of mine quipped, suggests he hasn’t dealt with rejection since the Reagan years--

“I'm surprised that someone who claims to be so sweet would make a nasty, gratuitous comment like that. A simple no would have been fine. That comment was very nasty for no reason. But I feel better as I never want to be with a mean person and that was, needlessly, mean. I bet I still see your [profile] for a long time.”

I guess even among the AARP set, ettiquette is fleeting in cyberspace.

Up next…drinks with a member of NY’s Finest and Single Gal In The City--the book?


Martha said...

Hi! I discovered your blog via HARO and love it! Can't wait to read more.

Being somewhat older than mid-30s, I learned the hard way years ago not to feel obliged to answer the question "why" when posed by a gentleman who wants to know why I'm not interested. At the risk of drawing gross generalities, with *some* guys, "why" is shorthand for "defend your position so I can shoot it down."

Your friend's response was lovely, elegant, thoughtful, and honest without being unkind. But we can all save ourselves a lot of time by simply saying, "Just don't want to...s'all." Period.

When you think about it, it's pretty uncouth for the guy not to take a nine times hint and just buzz off on his own, with his dignity intact. No one with even a smidge of self-esteem would have asked the question "why."

Ashton probably wouldn't have asked "why" Neither would Demi. I imagine their response would have been something along the lines of, "Cool. See you."

Cee Bee said...

Wow! I got the biggest kick from that older gentleman's response to your friend's rejection. She was MORE than polite. AND, most of those sites allow you to choose an age range in which you are looking to find a match. I'm sure if he had bothered to look at her profile more closely, he would've realized he was out of her range. Unbelievable!

Melissa said...

Hi Ladies and welcome to SGITC! Couldn't agree more that this guy clearly wasn't paying attention to the details here, and that less is often more when telling a guy you're not interested. Handling rejection gracefully seems to be a lost art these days. Another friend of mine who politely rejected a guy was told by him that she would end up 40 and childless. Yikes!

DianaGolightly said...

I believe my age limit was 32 :)

And you should have seen this guy's pictures...he's no Pierce Brosnan!