Saturday, May 2, 2009

Opening The Vault: Part Thirty Four

Like the song says, breaking up is hard to do -- and it’s even harder when you’re still in love with your significant other. My feelings for CA-based beau Mark (a.k.a Sparky) remained as I prepared to tell him it was over between us.

Tired of trying to forge a relationship from 3,000 miles apart -- and of the near-constant arguing precipitated by it -- I knew the time had come to call it quits. I now Open The Vault and take you back to the summer of 1995...

June 8th, 1995
San Diego, CA

Dear Diary,

Thankfully, the growth that was removed from Mark’s stomach turned out to be benign. He was still in discomfort, though, so he nixed the whirlwind excursion we’d planned and suggested we go to San Diego instead.

I was silent for the duration of the approximately 2-hour ride. All I kept thinking was -- how am I going to tell him?

A road trip to San Diego illuminated how far apart Mark and I had grown

Of course, leave it to Mark to get romantic as I’m thinking that our days together were numbered. As Bryan Adams’ "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman" came on the radio, Mark turned down the volume and said --

"You know, it seems like every time we get comfortable with each other, you leave. There’s always this void when you go."

"Really?" I snapped. "I find that very hard to believe."

Unfortunately, when I’m mean, I’m the worst.

When we got to our hotel, Mark kept asking me what was wrong. I needed a little more time to figure out what to say, so I laid down next to him and told him as much.

He started to kiss me and eventually, I ended up on top of him. His arms were encircling my waist as he kissed the nape of my neck. Looking up at the ceiling, I fought in vain to hold back tears.
I love you so much, Sparky, I thought to myself, but it’s no good anymore.

* * *

Later, Sparky pressed me again to tell him what was on my mind. I knew I couldn’t hold back the truth any longer.

Though I had rehearsed this scene time and time again, I floundered for words. I struggled to explain how I’d arrived at my painful decision.

"So, you’re saying you’re ready to move on," he finally interjected, saying what I couldn’t bring myself to.

"I don’t know," I said, my voice trailing off. But we both knew that yes was what I really meant.

Mark stood up and said he was going for a walk. I was more than a little anxious that he seemed so calm. As it turned out, I had reason to be worried -- a torrent of animosity was about to be unleashed.

* * *

Though I’d found the courage to tell Mark we were through, my timing couldn’t have been worse -- I wasn’t due to leave California for another four days.

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