The Inevitable Reprise

After you break up with someone, it often happens that -- voluntarily or not -- your paths end up crossing again.

One of my favorite books, The Heartbreak Handbook, refers to this as the inevitable reprise. I’ve been down that road many times, reconciling with an ex-boyfriend or briefly revisiting the spark that ignited in the first place. When I caught up with a summer fling for drinks this weekend, I couldn’t help thinking about the allure of the old flame -- and how fleeting it is.

He said he’s missed me since I broke it off between us three weeks ago. Though the chemistry between us was still there, so were the reasons I chose to walk away. As he spoke of his difficult work schedule and inability to express his feelings, I found myself feeling very grateful that I’m no longer dealing with either anymore.

Like the other exes I’ve reconnected with, my fling reminded me how fortunate I am to still be single and not have settled for less than what I’ve deserve. Closure is a wonderful thing.

By The Numbers: Letting Go Edition

Having been through seven serious relationships, I’m no stranger to the roller coaster ride of breaking up. While no two breakups are alike, all have one thing in common -- the joy that accompanies letting go of the past and moving on.

I’ve found that moving on from a relationship is a process that happens in stages. Given the time it takes to carve out room in your life for someone special, it makes sense that it’s a process to reconfigure the space created by his exit.

From my shorter romances (4-6 months) to my one-year+ entanglements with the opposite sex, I’ve experienced time and again the exhilaration of leaving a relationship comfortably in the past. Here are some of my moving on milestones -- By The Numbers:

Average number of breakups per boyfriend before final split: 2
Number of exes with whom I managed to make the lengthy transition to being just friends: 4
Number of exes with whom I’m still friendly: 1
Number of meals spent celebrating my Match.com ex’s nuptials and dodging the bullet of Mr. Wrong: 1

Boqueria Restaurant: Sublime tapas and a great place to toast

escaping Mr. Wrong

Number of years it took me to part with jewelry from my first love: 3
Number of years it took to discard many of his cards and letters: 10

One of my favorite post-relationship books, The Breakup Repair Kit, advises having a ceremonial bonfire of ex-boyfriend mementos. I’ve opted instead to hold onto some souvenirs of the past. Partly because I’m a packrat and partly because even when Mr. Right For Now turns out be Mr. Wrong, it’s good to have tangible reminders that love is always worth the gamble.