An Old Love Resurfaces

As I mentioned a few days ago, California-based ex Mark (a.k.a Sparky) recently posted a comment here for the first time. Our resulting online exchange and phone conversation got me to thinking about closure and how it’s often a lengthy, multi-step process when it comes to a big love.

Sparky and I hadn’t communicated since June, when work led him to cancel a visit to New York -- the day before he was due to arrive. The episode confirmed for me that, though we once shared something special, it was well past time to let go.

Still, given our long history, I couldn’t help wondering -- Did he regret standing me up last summer? Had he seen what I’ve written about him here on the blog? It turns out the answer to both questions is yes.

Mark apologized profusely for bailing on his scheduled visit, reiterating the remorse he expressed in his comments.

“I think I made the biggest mistake of my life,” he said.

Eventually, we moved onto other, less complicated subjects.

As we filled each other in about career, life, etc., it occurred to me that Mark and I have finally come full circle. After 15 years, we’re where we’re supposed to be -- two people who once shared a great love bonded now by friendship.

No matter how long it takes to get there, closure is always worth the wait.

Reconnecting at Christmastime

One of my favorite parts of the holiday season is reconnecting with loved ones who, for whatever reason, I’ve fallen out of touch with. This year, I’ve been blessed to do that with three men who each hold a special place in my heart.

BFFs: Morty and me at our friend Cristina’s wedding in Boston

The bonding began at my friend Cristina’s fabulous recent wedding, where I caught up with former work husband and dear friend Morty. We hadn’t seen each other in months, but quickly picked up right where we left off -- talking about life, love and the pursuit of professional bliss.

Earlier this week, old flame Steve comforted me with a thoughtful email on the anniversary of my beloved dad’s passing. And made me smile when he asked if my diary entries from our time together will make it onto the blog.

“Do you think you will ever let some of that out of 'The Vault?' ” he wrote. “I will always cherish those memories.”

The feeling is mutual.

Speaking of past loves, the most surprising reconnection happened with California-based ex Mark (a.k.a Sparky). For the first time ever, he posted a comment on Single Gal In The City (click here and scroll down to see our exchange) -- which led to our first conversation in many months.

Up next…more about this latest chapter in the Sparky saga and a festive night out in the Flatiron District.

Merry Christmas All!

Opening The Vault: Part Fifty Eight

If you still have feelings for an ex, does that mean you’re not really in love with your new significant other? That weighty question was on my mind during an intense encounter with California-based old flame Mark (a.k.a Sparky) back in 1998.

Le Parker Meridien: Sparky and I caught up at this Midtown hotel back in ‘98

Sparky’s visit came at a time when I was at my most vulnerable -- a little more than a month after losing my mom. Up in his hotel room, the connection between us resurfaced. I now Open The Vault and take you back to November of ’98...

November 21, 1998 - Volume 70
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

As Sparky and I embraced, I could feel his face turning toward mine. I made sure to keep only my cheek next to him.

He suggested I come out to Arizona.

“You could be the other woman,” he said. “Okay, let’s have a fling.”

I wasn’t entirely sure he was joking, but we both grew serious and Sparky said he has too much respect for his wife (as do I for David) to do that.

Suddenly, I could feel myself getting emotional and nostalgic about us. I struggled with the words. Finally, they came.

“When we were together, I was completely certain I loved you,” I admitted. “I haven’t had that certainty since.”

“Wow,” he said, clearly taken aback. “That’s really nice of you to say.”

I also told Sparky how upset I was to learn of his marriage. Though, I said, I never expected him to wait for me--

"I always thought we’d get back together someday."

“Now you tell me!” he said with a laugh.

Later, Sparky reassured me that I will be okay, and reiterated how sorry he is about mom’s passing.

We hugged again. He squeezed my hand as he told me--

“I’ll always be here for you.”

He said not seeing me had been gnawing away at him since Mom’s passing in September, that he wanted to just jump on a plane.

“I still care about you -- I think about you all the time.”

About David, he said he was 99 and 1/10 percent happy for me, but also a little jealous.

“Because I wish it was me.”

So, what does all of this mean for my relationship with David?

I don’t know.

* * *

David and I managed to survive Hurricane Sparky. And a happy milestone for us as a couple would prompt David to execute one of the greatest grand gestures I’ve ever received.

Opening The Vault: Part Fifty Seven

When it comes to love, there are moments where you find yourself at a crossroad between past and present. That complicated juncture is where I found myself back in the fall of 1998.

At the time, I was about four months into my relationship with dashing, noble Brit David -- and six weeks into dealing with my beloved mother’s passing from breast cancer. It was during this emotional maelstrom that first love and California native Mark (a.k.a Sparky) came into town. I now Open The Vault and take you back to November ‘98...

November 21, 1998
New York, NY

Dear Diary,
I just spent a couple of hours with Sparky. It was an emotional, revelatory encounter -- in some ways I hadn’t anticipated.

Le Parker Meridien: Sparky and I shared an intense encounter at this Midtown NYC hotel

I got to his hotel and was about to get on the elevator when the doors opened and he was there. We hugged and he immediately told me how great and thin I looked (always nice to hear from an ex).

As he usually does, he crammed into the revolving door next to me. Then, he extended his arm. I put mine through his but then felt awkward -- which I admitted -- and pulled away. Still, Sparky kept putting his hand on my back, shielding me from traffic.

We walked to Times Square, during which I spoke a lot about Mom. Bless him, he managed to say all of the wrong things -- asking me if I’m thinking about my career or a retirement community for Dad now. I found myself thinking a lot about David, how much more understanding and sensitive he is.

After lunch at a diner, we walked back uptown and I told Sparky about David.

“I’m glad you have a good boyfriend,” he said.

“I’ve had one or two before,” I said pointedly.

Later, I told Sparky I was glad we could still laugh together.

“We just can’t do the physical stuff,” he interjected.

Nevertheless, back in Sparky’s room, he beckoned me toward him.

“You know, I’ve been waiting for a big hug,” he said.

So I went over to him and we embraced. And I felt a rush of the warm feelings I’ve always felt for him.

* * *
Before the afternoon was over, Sparky would make an unexpected proposition -- and I would admit something I had never told him before.

Opening The Vault: Part Fifty Two

When you still have feelings for each other, remaining friends with an ex can be tricky -- as I discovered time and again with California native Mark (a.k.a. Sparky).

Nearly two years after we broke up in 1995, I was crushed when a dinner encounter in NYC failed to produce those three little words from him. Oddly, I’d grown accustomed to hearing it in our post-breakup relationship. I soon found out the reason Sparky was tight lipped. I now Open The Vault and take you back to the spring of ‘97.…

April 4th, 1997
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

Sparky called me today. I knew he’d eventually call, but didn’t expect to hear his voice at work this afternoon. I could feel my heart beating rapidly and the effort it took not to be tongue tied.

1 State Street Plaza: I was at my desk here at Thomson Financial when Sparky called

As if he’d read my mind, he told me what was going through his Monday night.

“I didn’t want to get too crazy,” he said.

“Meaning what?” I asked, wanting him to spell it out.

“I didn’t want to make it any harder than it had to be since I knew my visit was going to be short,” he said.

I told him I was surprised he’d been in such a hurry to leave, and wondered if it was because of me. Sparky insisted he was tired from his journey -- and that he’d held back because “there’s a lot of etiquette” to our relationship.

“I didn’t want to degrade what we have,” he said firmly.

Sparky admitted that he thought about asking me to come back with him to his hotel.

“It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to,” he told me, to which I responded that I had considered asking him to spend the night.

“I miss you,” I said finally.

“I miss you too,” he said -- in that warm tone of voice that indicates he thinks of me often.

It meant so much that he called just to tell me, albeit without those three little words, that his feelings haven’t changed. All my doubts were laid to rest -- our love is still alive.

We’ve spent more time being officially split up than we have as a couple and yet, we can’t seem to let go. Is it so wrong to hope that, someday, all of this what if-ing will lead us to a second chance together?

* * *
Though Sparky and I remained connected, we also continued to move forward in our separate lives. An unexpected twist of fate in his life would force us to do what we had been unable to when I first walked away.

Dinner With A British Old Flame

Last week, I met up with E, a British old flame from my college days.

E resurfaced out of the blue in a Facebook email. I couldn’t help appreciating the irony of this, given that he was one of the reasons I hesitated to join Facebook in the first place.

During my junior year in London, E and I were good friends who ended up crossing the platonic line while he was on the rebound. One morning, I woke up to find a troubled look on E’s face. When I asked what was wrong, he responded--

“I don’t know…I just feel less for you than I did before.”

Ouch.

Bar Italia: E and I caught up over dinner at this fabulous UES wine bar and restaurant

Thankfully, it felt like a lifetime had passed since all of this unpleasantness as I approached E at Bar Italia.

Over a delicious dinner al fresco (including a heavenly plate of fettucini amatriciana), we talked about life, love and work. A film editor, E was in town working on the movie “Kick-Ass,” due out next spring. Now married with kids, he was quite inquisitive about why I’m still single, whether I’ve ever been in love, etc. By choice and yes, I answered, adding wryly that he’ll have to wait for my book to find out more.

E thanked me for agreeing to meet him, observing that I had every reason not to. Laughing, I admitted my initial inclination was to say no but then I figured, why not?

I’m glad I indulged my curiosity. Seeing E again put an important period on a brief but seminal chapter in my young adulthood.

As I walked away from him, I thought to myself -- he’s just an ordinary guy, one who happened to teach me the value of proceeding with caution when it comes to romance. And who, by extension, made me appreciate how great it feels to throw caution to the wind whenever you meet someone who warrants it.

Opening The Vault: Part Fifty One

When it comes to breakups, some are truly final while others simply begin a new chapter in your relationship. For long distance love Mark (a.k.a. Sparky) and I, it was a case of the latter.

After our rocky bicoastal romance ended in 1995, Sparky and I continued seeing each other periodically when business brought him to New York. Each time, the powerful chemistry between us would resurface. I now Open The Vault and take you back to March of ‘97...

March 31st, 1997
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

I saw Sparky tonight for what was the briefest encounter we’ve had in the three years we’ve known each other. Amazingly enough, in the space of just a few hours, my feelings for him resurfaced with an intensity that had me in tears just a moment ago.

X Marks The Spot: Sparky and I reunited here at a now-defunct restaurant on 58th Street and First Avenue

After our tumultuous reunion last fall, I felt certain -- or as close to being certain as I can ever be about what Sparky and I have (i.e. not very) -- that each subsequent encounter would diminish his place in my heart. But it was the exact opposite that happened tonight.

I could feel the deepest emotional parts of me responding to his closeness. We lingered in one another’s arms every time we embraced. And it felt so wonderful, like it always does, when Sparky finally pulled me into a long kiss. Only one thing was missing -- those three little words.

It never really occurred to me that that would happen because, no matter what, we’ve always said “I love you” when we’re together. As if, in the middle of our overwhelming differences and impossible situation, that was the one thing I could always count on. Until tonight.

Sparky told me several times how happy he was to see me, and he was the one who initiated most of our hugs. Maybe I’m being unfair, expecting him to pick up where we left off, but he makes me believe that’s possible every time we’re together. He’s the one who reiterates how we’re at the same point in our lives, and how I should remember him in the future.

He didn’t say “I love you,” and yet he seemed truly delighted to be with me again. They say silence speaks volumes and he didn’t mention a word about his live-in girlfriend. Can I assume this means his heart still belongs to me? More importantly, why does that even matter anymore?

* * *

The question of Mark’s feelings would be answered soon after our brief reunion -- though it wasn’t enough to ward off a painful revisiting of where we’d gone so horribly wrong in the first place.

Blast From The Past

When it comes to old flames, I’ve experienced my fair share of those inclined to make unusual requests.

One married ex suggested we go on a double date with his wife and my then-boyfriend. Another insisted I meet his live-in love -- the morning after he and I had shared a few passionate kisses. The most unexpected request, though, happened yesterday with E, an old flame from my college days.

E and I were good friends until a disastrous brief fling. In a Facebook email aptly titled “Blast From The Past,” he informed me that he was coming to New York today.

I was more than a little surprised to hear from E given that we hadn’t seen or spoken to each other in more than a decade. And even more surprised about what prompted his email -- a need for last-minute accommodations.

“If not you,” he asked, “Do you have any friends I might be able to stay with?”

He tempered this “super-cheeky” request by suggesting we catch up during his short visit. Here, I opted to oblige him.

Coming up…celebrating National Singles Week and, at long last, U2!

Opening The Vault: Part Fifty

When it comes to high school sweethearts, there’s good reason for the nostalgia associated with them. Years ago, I had the chance to rediscover why during a reunion with my prom date Hogan.

Ellis Island: Hogan and I shared a romantic afternoon here during his '97 visit to NYC

It was Valentine’s Day of '97. Hogey and I had reconnected months before in Toronto (where I spent part of my high school years). The chemistry between us had only deepened, so I was over the moon that he was finally coming to see me in New York. I now Open The Vault and take you back to February 1997...

New York, NY
February 7th, 2009

Dear Diary,

I can’t wait to see Hogan…Hogey has a sweetness and honesty that’s unlike any of the other men who have drifted in and out of my life. He’s driving down next weekend -- a 12-hour trek! -- and we’ll have our first opportunity ever to spend more than a night together.

Being with him will be the perfect cure for my winter blues.

* * *

February 15th, 1997

Even more so than during our reunion back in October, I adore what makes Hogan who he is. There is no pretense or game playing with him because it simply doesn’t occur to him be that way.

As we cuddled by candlelight just now, I basked in the delight of our evolving closeness. We confide so easily in each other, invariably resuming without effort wherever we left off before.

Hogey himself mentioned how things between us continue to change each time we’re together.

“We never go backward,” he said. “We only move forward.”

He leaned over and nuzzled my nose before adding--

“I feel more and more passionate toward you.”

Indeed, the physical chemistry between us on this go-round has been very different from what it was in the past. It’s like the attraction between us has matured as we’ve come to know each other more completely. It felt so exhilarating to be with him.

Hogan’s tenderness has soothed away my recent romantic angst by reminding me that some connections only get better with the passing of time. We don’t have to complicate things by worrying about what comes next because the here and now is fulfilling enough.

Mmmm.

* * *

It would be more than a year before Hogey and I were reunited again. In the meantime, another old flame paid me a visit -- Sparky.

Dinner With A Sweetheart From Long Ago

Thursday, after my action-packed experience at Fashion Week, I met up for dinner with my old flame Alain.

Like many blasts from the past these days, this one came about through Facebook. Now married and living in Helsinki, Alain reached out and I was excited to hear from him. Fifteen years my senior, he was my first experience of May-December romance back in the day.

It had been well over a decade since we’d last seen each other, so we had lots to talk about over dinner at Accademia di Vino.

Accademia di Vino: Alain and I talked about life, love and tennis over dinner at this UES hotspot

We talked about timing and the role it plays in finding happily ever after. Alain said it was when he decided he was going to take a break from the New York dating scene that the tide turned. Alain started hearing from several old girlfriends, but it was on the tennis court where he met his match.

Months later, when his Finnish-born sweetheart proposed by declaring they were getting married in her hometown, he was more than happy to say yes. As he shared this, I couldn’t help thinking that, when you find your life’s partner, the semantics of how you wind up together don’t seem to matter so much.

As he did many so years ago, Alain demonstrated that he’s one of the good guys.

“I couldn’t leave this earth,” he told me, “without telling you how sweet you are.”

Wow.

Coming up…a new author’s delectable approach to dating and a look at how to break up without being mean.

The Inevitable Reprise

After you break up with someone, it often happens that -- voluntarily or not -- your paths end up crossing again.

One of my favorite books, The Heartbreak Handbook, refers to this as the inevitable reprise. I’ve been down that road many times, reconciling with an ex-boyfriend or briefly revisiting the spark that ignited in the first place. When I caught up with a summer fling for drinks this weekend, I couldn’t help thinking about the allure of the old flame -- and how fleeting it is.

He said he’s missed me since I broke it off between us three weeks ago. Though the chemistry between us was still there, so were the reasons I chose to walk away. As he spoke of his difficult work schedule and inability to express his feelings, I found myself feeling very grateful that I’m no longer dealing with either anymore.

Like the other exes I’ve reconnected with, my fling reminded me how fortunate I am to still be single and not have settled for less than what I’ve deserve. Closure is a wonderful thing.

Opening The Vault: Part Forty Seven

Sometimes it takes revisiting your past to appreciate what you have in the present. That’s what happened after my rocky reunion back in ‘96 with California-based ex Mark (a.k.a. Sparky).

Our tumultuous two days together found me reevaluating the relationship I had just exited, with captivating but complicated teddy bear Larry. Sure enough, I found my way back to Larry, albeit with very specific restrictions about what might (and might not) be in store for us. I now Open The Vault and take you back to November of 1996...

November 11th, 1996
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

I think I’m becoming a pretty fickle woman when it comes to romantic entanglements. Today, Larry and I got back together -- just one day after a hot and heavy makeout session with my hairdresser and less than a week after my reunion with Mark. My emotions are all over the place these days.

After Mark left, for the first time, I started wondering if Mom was right when she once surmised that I’m “in love with love” rather than still smitten with my on-again/off-again. I also found myself comparing Mark to Larry and feeling that Larry is unquestionably the better man.

Last Thursday, Larry had been on my mind quite a bit so I was surprised to come home and find a card from him -- with the most beautiful words a man has ever articulated to me.

He wrote at great length about how I’ve changed his life and how much he regrets not being there for me when Mom first got sick. I knew we needed to see each other again, if only so I could say a lot of what I failed to during our “Last Supper,” as he called it.

Nobu: A delicious lunch here with Larry led to a reprise for us

Well, what was intended to be a farewell lunch turned into a stroll down memory lane. Eventually, Larry took my hand and we were in each other’s arms. All of the old feelings were there, and every part of me melted as he squeezed me tightly.

I reiterated my inability to make a commitment and, as always, Larry listened and heard me. What impressed me most, though, was the soul searching he’s done during our 3 weeks apart. He seems committed to leaving his emotional baggage in the past.

No matter how many times I kept coming back to my restrictions, he insisted he can accept them.

“I just want it to be as good as it can be,” he said, hastening to add, “Until we’re done.”

“No strings?” I replied cautiously.

“None,” he said.

Things are different this time. I’ve indicated we should date other people and we’re not going to see each other as much as we did before. But that doesn’t mean we can’t add to one another’s lives. There is a level of affection and understanding between Larry and I that I’ve had with no other man.

And now that I’ve shelved most of my wistfulness about Mark, I feel freer to enjoy Larry without any baggage of my own. Here’s hoping the second time around for us is as good as the first.

* * *

Larry and I managed to fall back into a nice groove with each other, one that would continue for a couple of months. Much like what happened with Mark, though, the age gap between us would become impossible to overcome.

Opening The Vault: Part Forty Six

After you break up with someone and enough time passes, it’s easy for nostalgia to obscure why the relationship ended in the first place. That’s what happened with me and my California-based ex Mark (a.k.a. Sparky).

A little over a year after I broke it off with Sparky, he came to New York on business. Following a blissful first night together, the downside of our roller coaster chemistry kicked in. I now Open The Vault and take you back to the fall of ‘96...

November 3rd, 1996
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

In keeping with tradition, the day after with Sparky was disappointing, upsetting and ridden with reminders of why I broke up with him.

No matter how hard I try not to let his insensitive, egocentric ways get to me, Mark invariably manages to do it anyway. He loves me and yet never fails to be condescending and cold when we’re together.

Today, he dominated every conversation. He went on and on about his job, his aspirations, barely letting me get a word in edgewise. You’d think after 11 months apart, he would be interested in knowing more about where I'm at. Not so.

* * *

November 4th, 1996

Armed with twenty-four hours worth of pent up frustration, I confronted Mark over dinner at Raffaele tonight.

Raffaele: Sparky and I had a heated argument at this cozy UES Italian restaurant

Not surprisingly, he didn’t want to hear what was upsetting me and I saw a flash of the angry side of him which has brought about some horrible fights between us in the past. He came thisclose to getting up and leaving the restaurant. I must admit it felt good to put him on the defensive for a change.

I calmly told Mark that I feel like my pursuits don’t interest him. As usual, he disagreed, maintaining that I was taking things out of context.

He said he wouldn’t remain in touch if he didn’t love me, but that he can’t allow himself to get too emotional when we’re together. This push-pull dynamic has been a constant with us and I suspect will continue until such time as our situation becomes a more normal one (IF that ever happens).

Later, wonder of wonders, Sparky actually asked about my work and we started laughing and cuddling. Even though we didn’t necessarily resolve anything -- do we ever? -- I felt like he really heard me for once, like we were truly communicating.

In my heart, I know the chemistry we have is too volatile to sustain anything permanent. But I also believe we will continue to be a part of each other’s lives for years to come. A part of me is forever his.

* * *

After Sparky’s hurricane-like visit, romantic dramas of the more local variety resurfaced as the month’s theme of revisiting old flames continued.

Opening The Vault: Part Forty Five

Regardless of time and distance, there are some old loves that linger long after a relationship formally ends. For me, that’s never been the case more than it was with my California-based ex Mark (a.k.a Sparky).

After breaking up with Sparky in June of 1995, we remained in touch. Six months later, he flew to New York for the holidays -- an encounter that confirmed both our lingering feelings and the explosive differences that made me walk away.

About a year later and just days after my breakup with subsequent boyfriend Larry, Sparky found himself in New York again, this time on business. I now Open The Vault and take you back to November of ‘96...

New York, NY
November 2, 1996

Dear Diary,

Sparky and I were reunited tonight -- and, amazingly so, that old magic is still there between us.

When he arrived at my place, I gave him a quick hug and peck on the cheek, uncertain of how affectionate to be. Then, in my room, Sparky beckoned--

“Come here -- I need a better hug,” and we embraced gain.

As I squeezed him tightly, all those familiar warm feelings flooded every part of me. And he noticed how I looked -- several times.

“I never think you can get more beautiful,” he murmured. “But you always do.”

Girafe: Sparky and I reunited over dinner at this fabulous (and now, sadly, long gone) UES restaurant

Sparky pulled me close to him and held my hand as we walked to Girafe restaurant for dinner. He complimented me again and then we finally kissed, a brief but loving kiss.

Our conversation was full of reminiscing and references to what we’ve experienced separately since seeing each other last Christmas. Sparky mentioned his new live-in girlfriend. I filled him in on romantic and career events of the past year, unable to resist dredging up the problems we’ve had. He wistfully observed that I only seem to remember the “bad stuff.”

Attempting to justify some of the conflict between us, he reiterated his frustration about our geographically and age challenged situation.

“I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you,” he said tenderly. “I would have married you -- I still would.”

We kissed again, a passionate kiss that felt so much like years ago, and Sparky quipped that we should leave everything behind and fly to Fiji.

Back at my place, we fell onto the bed, hugging and kissing again and again.

“So what else do you have to tell me?” I asked.

“Just I love you,” he said, reading my mind.

“I love you too,” I said.

* * *

Yes, the first night of a reunion with Sparky never failed to be blissful. The problem was we couldn’t seem to maintain that high -- a fact of which I was painfully reminded the next day.

Exit The King: A Royally Good Time

Friday night, my old flame and good friend Steve and I went to see “Exit The King.”

A revival of the 1968 Eugene Ionesco comedy, “Exit The King” is the tale of a 400-year-old monarch coming to grips with his mortality. The king’s first wife Queen Marguerite (Susan Sarandon at her acerbic best) bluntly tells him his fate, while current Queen Marie (a luminous Lauren Ambrose) refuses to believe the end is near.

Behold the monarchs: Lauren Ambrose and Geoffrey Rush in “Exit The King”

Ambrose is excruciatingly heartfelt in her impassioned pleas to King Bergeron (Geoffrey Rush) to will himself to live. Rush turns in a sublime performance -- truly worthy of his recent Tony Award win -- running the gamut of emotion from sentimentality to slapstick. He infuses each line with a lyricism that makes every onstage moment a riveting one.

After the show, Steve and I had a chance to get up close with the cast, all of whom graciously posed for pictures and signed autographs.

Susan Sarandon and me: The Oscar-winning actress is ageless and refreshingly approachable

Rush seemed (understandably) tired but made sure to greet everyone in the crowd – a few of whom had seen the show multiple times.

Having indulged our inner Broadway fan, Steve and I headed downtown for drinks at Telephone, an Anglophile-themed watering hole in NYC’s East Village.

Over a couple of pints of Hoegarten, we reminisced about old times. Like the Cosmopolitan sex quiz I read out loud as we drove across country when I moved from Illinois to Delaware. And what Steve was wearing when we first met back in ‘01.

He mentioned being unlikely to fit into his old clothes, while I lamented the changes in what he once described as my centerfold stomach.

We had a good laugh about the metabolic shift that accompanies getting older. After all, the battle of the bulge is a lot more manageable when you have good friends to commiserate about it with.

Friday Night Out With An Old Flame

Friday, my old flame Steve and I braved the downpour to enjoy a night out in Times Square.

Our first stop was The Perfect Pint, a lively pub with charming bartenders who know how to mix a great cosmo. Steve filled me in about potential work-related travels in his future (Europe, the Middle East), which got us to talking about our mutual affinity for Sydney. I admitted that if Sydney was situated a little closer to home, it would be hard to resist the urge I felt back in January to move there again.

Saju Bistro: One of my favorite French restaurants in NYC. Delicieux!

Next, we walked over to French bistro Saju, where we shared a sublime plate of escargots in garlic and butter sauce and I enjoyed skirt steak cooked to perfection with pomme frites. Saju never disappoints, serving with panache French provencal fare so authentic that I wasn’t surprised to hear the couple next to us speaking en Français.

Over dinner, we talked about the enduring appeal of “Sex And The City,” and Steve laughed when I told him I only started watching the show during its sanitized TBS run. We agreed that, of the fabulous four, Samantha was the most over the top and the one we’d be least likely to share a cocktail with. After all, there’s only so much risqué talk you can take.

Up next…Tony Award winner Geoffrey Rush dazzles in “Exit The King,” and a friend makes the case for Botox.

By The Numbers: Old Flame Edition

Today, I’m enjoying a Summer Friday off from work -- and some quality time with my old flame Steve.

We had planned to catch up during my recent visit to Kansas City, where Steve now lives with his wife. He was (understandably) busy celebrating their first anniversary.

City Gal: Steve took this picture of me when he visited NYC back in 2006

This will be the first time in years we’ve had a full day together, so I can’t help feeling nostalgic about the memorable moments we’ve shared since we met nearly eight years ago. Here are a few of them -- By The Numbers:

Number of cities in which Steve and I have reunited: 5
Number of weeks after meeting that we first said those three little words: 2
Number of steamy clinches in an airport parking lot: 1
Number of aborted breakups via email: 2
Number of giant teddy bears Steve has given me: 1

Steve’s thoughtful gestures went far beyond stuffed animals. A man with the soul of an artist, he’s also written me poetry and music -- and has, throughout the trajectory our relationship has taken, always been in my corner.

Whether it’s encouraging me in my literary aspirations or sending me a comforting email on the anniversary of my dad’s passing, Steve never fails to be there for me. We are that rare exception of former lovers who have become friends. And, really, that’s what love is all about.

By The Numbers: SGITC Milestone Edition

A lot can happen in nine months -- as I’ve discovered since launching Single Gal In The City last summer.

I recently passed the 300 post mark, a milestone that finds me feeling a little reflective as I look forward to the many more (SGITC-related and otherwise) yet to come. Here’s a snapshot of what I’ve covered -- By The Numbers:

Number of encounters with old flames: 2
Number of overseas trips: 1
Number of celebrity encounters: 6
Number of concerts: 5
Number (approx.) of diary entries from the 90’s revealed: 35

Opening The Vault has been one of the most enjoyable parts of SGITC for me. And since I’ve only delved into three of my 95 handwritten volumes, there’s plenty more from my romantic past -- 300 roses! Bended knee moments! -- to be revisited. And, of course, more romantic adventures in the here and now to be experienced.

After all, when it comes to being a single gal in the city, it’s not knowing what’s around the corner that keeps things interesting.

Catching Up With An Old Flame

On Thursday, after attending Global Traveler’s anniversary bash in Times Square, I caught up with my old flame Steve.

Steve and I first met back in 2001, at the tail end of my stint as a reporter in Southern Illinois. We quickly fell into a love affair so passionate that it led me to change my flight back to New York three times -- and so intense that both of us were inspired to write poems to each other.

“You’re what love songs are made for,” Steve told me just before I left Illinois for good.

I was smiling at Steve when this picture was taken during his first-ever visit to NYC, April 2002

Geography was our nemesis, as I quickly bounced from New York to a five-month stint in Sydney, calling it quits with Steve just before I went Down Under. New Year’s Eve 2002 saw us reconnecting back in the Big Apple, and so began the next chapter in our long-distance romance. Steve visited me more than once in my new TV news-dictated hometown of Dover, Delaware, proving each time that the fire between us hadn’t gone away.

Still, we continued to find ourselves in very different places and so, we made the transition to being friends.

Now married and living in Kansas City (not too far from my best friend there, oddly enough), Steve is the only ex I remain friendly with. The other night, he reminded me why he’s the exception.

Over a delicious dinner at Times Square bistro Trattoria Dopo Teatro (Caprese salad, risotto with porcini mushrooms), we found plenty to talk about. Steve told me the latest about his globetrotting gig as a computer database engineer – a job that has taken him to Dubai and Sydney, and will put him in Seattle next month. I filled him in on both work and family news. As always, Steve listened with sensitivity and understanding.

Steve also snapped this picture of me during dinner at Trattoria Dopo Teatro

We somehow got onto the topic of music, and songs that have special meaning for us. The Calling’s “Wherever You Will Go” was at the top of the list.

Our nostalgic tangent continued as we recalled some of the more memorable meals we enjoyed way back when – a heavenly breakfast in Rehoboth Beach, a five-star dinner in St. Louis and a dreadful meal at a family friend’s in the Bronx that included rancid wine.

Steve pointed out that he was wearing the same shirt he had on when I returned to Illinois to help him move back in ’02. We both smiled – that was one of our more memorable encounters.

As we reminisced, I couldn’t help thinking how happy I am that Steve and I are still connected. I know he feels the same way.

“I want us to be friends forever,” he told me, “I always want to have you in my life.”

With a tender embrace, we said goodbye. I felt a surge of gratitude. Being with Steve again reminded me that even when romance is no longer in the cards, some old flames will always be a part of you.