SGITC Reader Perk: CafePress Valentine's Giveaway

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, I’m excited to offer Single Gal In The City readers a special giveaway, courtesy of the generous folks at CafePress.

The irreverent online retailer – which features customizable t-shirts, mugs, and even underwear – is giving one lucky SGITC reader a free tee. If you win, you’ll get to choose between two top sellers: this pink “Kissing Bandit: I'll catch you if I can” confection…

Are you a Kissing Bandit?

…and, one of my personal favorites, this cheekier t-shirt that reads, “It’s not you, it’s me (I’m lying, it’s you)”…

I love this shirt!

For the not-so romantically inclined, CafePress offers (huzzah!) 320,000 anti-Valentine’s Day gifts.

To enter the giveaway, simply post a comment here or Tweet me about your favorite or least favorite thing about Valentine’s Day. Winner will be announced next Thursday, February 18th.

Speaking of announcements, stay tuned for the big reveal of my Grand 2010 Plan – along with SGITC’s new address – tomorrow!

Singles Event Pick: Valentine's Week At Havana Central

NYC’s Havana Central is celebrating Valentine’s Day with a Week of Love. Two of the Cuban restaurant’s three locations are hosting fun events for singles.

On Tuesday February 9th from 7-9pm at Havana Central Times Square, kick off Valentine’s Week with the Love Potion Cocktail Challenge.

Cocktail lovers are invited to create a unique “Love Potion” cocktail using Bacardi rum. The winner will receive a $250 prize, credit on menus and a plaque commemorating this first-ever Cocktail Challenge at Havana Central.

Havana Central: The Cuban restaurant chain is hosting a series of Valentine’s-themed events

Entries should be emailed to lovepotion@havanacentral.com and click here for full contest rules and regulations.

On Thursday February 11th, join relationship experts Tamsen Fadal and Matt Titus for an evening of dating do’s and don’ts, featuring a panel of three men-about-town on hand to answer questions. Tickets are $15 and include one “Love Potion” cocktail. For reservations, email ylanfranco@havanacentral.com.

Finally, start off Valentine’s weekend with Spice It Up Speed Dating at Havana Central’s uptown location on Friday February 12th.

Geared toward singles ages 25-45, the event runs from 7:45 to 9:45pm. Ticket price of $59.95 includes tax, hors d’oeuvres and one Havana Central classic cocktail. To purchase, call 1-800-406-0832 or visit the following links:
Women (ages: 22-32) and men (ages: 24-34) , women (ages: 25- 35) and men (ages: 27-37) and
women (ages: 30 – 38) and men (ages: 34- 44) .

The Anti-Valentine’s Day SATC Tour

February 14th is still a month away, but the folks at On Location Tours are already cooking up a fun Anti-Valentine’s Day package with the company’s popular Sex And The City tour.

You can celebrate V-Day in SATC style with On Location Tours

Throughout Valentine’s weekend (2/12-2/14), OLT is offering 14% off its SATC Hotspots tour. To receive the discount, visit www.screentours.com and type in promo code ANTIVDAYSATC.

Grab your girlfriends and book early for a Valentine’s Day to remember. Click here for more info.

Opening The Vault: Part Fifty

When it comes to high school sweethearts, there’s good reason for the nostalgia associated with them. Years ago, I had the chance to rediscover why during a reunion with my prom date Hogan.

Ellis Island: Hogan and I shared a romantic afternoon here during his '97 visit to NYC

It was Valentine’s Day of '97. Hogey and I had reconnected months before in Toronto (where I spent part of my high school years). The chemistry between us had only deepened, so I was over the moon that he was finally coming to see me in New York. I now Open The Vault and take you back to February 1997...

New York, NY
February 7th, 2009

Dear Diary,

I can’t wait to see Hogan…Hogey has a sweetness and honesty that’s unlike any of the other men who have drifted in and out of my life. He’s driving down next weekend -- a 12-hour trek! -- and we’ll have our first opportunity ever to spend more than a night together.

Being with him will be the perfect cure for my winter blues.

* * *

February 15th, 1997

Even more so than during our reunion back in October, I adore what makes Hogan who he is. There is no pretense or game playing with him because it simply doesn’t occur to him be that way.

As we cuddled by candlelight just now, I basked in the delight of our evolving closeness. We confide so easily in each other, invariably resuming without effort wherever we left off before.

Hogey himself mentioned how things between us continue to change each time we’re together.

“We never go backward,” he said. “We only move forward.”

He leaned over and nuzzled my nose before adding--

“I feel more and more passionate toward you.”

Indeed, the physical chemistry between us on this go-round has been very different from what it was in the past. It’s like the attraction between us has matured as we’ve come to know each other more completely. It felt so exhilarating to be with him.

Hogan’s tenderness has soothed away my recent romantic angst by reminding me that some connections only get better with the passing of time. We don’t have to complicate things by worrying about what comes next because the here and now is fulfilling enough.

Mmmm.

* * *

It would be more than a year before Hogey and I were reunited again. In the meantime, another old flame paid me a visit -- Sparky.

Opening The Vault: Part Forty Nine

Breaking up is hard to do, especially when it’s with someone who’s treated you like a princess. Back in ‘97, my second and final split from then-boyfriend Larry had me guilt ridden over hurting such a great guy.

A 16-year age difference proved to be too much for us to overcome, as I realized I wasn’t ready to settle down. Still, after a year together and one brief trial split, saying goodbye wasn’t easy.

I now Open The Vault and take you back to January of 1997...

January 28th, 1997

New York, NY

Dear Diary,

Larry and I broke up again the other night -- and this time I think it’s for good.

Unlike our previous split (I initiated both), this separation was not the result of an impulse to retaliate for anything. When I ended things back in October, it was primarily because he had let me down when I needed him most.

Ironically, more so than he ever did before -- and that’s saying a lot -- Larry treated me like a princess these last couple of months. Casting off internal demons that had kept him somewhat closed off, he revealed a tender, romantic streak the likes of which I’d never seen in a man before.

Suddenly, the “little things” whose absence I’d once lamented were part of what we shared -- flowers for no reason, unexpected phone calls, expressions of love.

But sadly, all of this came as I realized receiving Larry’s affections without being able to commit to him was selfish and unfair. After giving so much to our relationship, he deserves more than the emotional limbo I’ve led him into.

In an email today, Larry indicated the door is still ajar for yet another reprise between us. As much as I miss him, though, and wish I could ignore what is standing in our way, I don’t think we can reconcile.

* * *

February 7th, 1997

Larry and I emailed back and forth last week and I called him a few days ago. As always, he was full of love and understanding. He said he still wants to be my best friend, that no matter what he wants to be part of my life.

“Not a day goes by that I don’t thinking about you,” he said softly.

“I miss you,” I said.

“I miss you too,” he replied.

It was a wonderful, comforting conversation, one that made me hopeful about the possibility of us remaining in touch.

* * *

Larry and I would indeed stay connected. And my post-breakup blues about us would soon be lifted by the return of an old flame, just in time for Valentine’s Day.

Opening The Vault: Part Thirty Seven

Once you’ve endured the drama of a long-distance relationship, it makes finding love of the local variety even sweeter. So it was when I began dating 36-year-old Brooklyn native Larry.

Larry and I met while I was temping at the Thomson Financial subsidiary where he worked. After my summer stint ended, I took the initiative to ask him out -- prompted largely by weeks of playful flirting between us.

Valentine’s Day Surprise: A dozen roses from Larry, February 1996

Like my California-based ex, Mark, Larry was sixteen years older than me and divorced. Tall, brooding and brilliant, Larry captivated me with his intellect and touched me with his tenderness.

A complicated man whose gruff exterior belied a hopeless romantic streak, Larry treated every date like our first -- and treated our age difference as an asset rather than a liability.

Still, our relationship was not without its complications, some of which stemmed from the major professional exam looming before him -- and the revelation that he still occasionally used recreational drugs. I now Open The Vault to Volume #63 and take you back to the spring of 1996...

April 28th, 1996
New York, NY

Dear Diary,

Larry and I shared a blissful reunion when I returned from my business trip to Chicago. I was glowing the next morning (as I usually do after our encounters).

But I can’t deny my anxiety about his drug use. Granted, he’s kept his promise to keep it away from me, but that doesn’t make it any less frightening.

He first told me back in February of his long history with recreational drugs. I remember going to the bathroom and thinking I would have nothing more to do with him.

But then, as it often happens with us, I became engrossed in our conversation -- and overwhelmed by the passion between us.

* * *

May 6th, 1996

Last night, we went for a walk along the river and addressed the drug issue. I told Larry it’s going to take time for me to deal with what he told me.

As he spoke of the future, and how spending more time together this summer would prove I can trust him, I wondered whether I wanted things between us to progress that far. He said he felt tainted.

“You’re one of the best things that’s happened to me this year,” Larry declared. “And I don’t want to lose something good because of something bad and because I was honest.”

“You once told me that I had reawakened feelings in you that you haven’t had in a long time,” I reminded him.

“You have,” he said firmly.

“Well, you’ve done the same for me,” I said.

And he really has. Larry has made me feel things that, in the aftermath of breaking up with Sparky, I thought I would be numb to for a very long time. That being said, I’ve decided to wait a month before letting him go. There’s no point in hurting him before his exam.

* * *

Though Larry assured me his drug use was waning, it took time for me to believe him. Just as our relationship was getting back on an even keel, another unexpected development conspired to pull us apart.

Opening The Vault: Part Twenty Six

Of star-crossed lovers, Shakespeare once wrote parting is such sweet sorrow. That was equally true following my first big fight with long-distance love Mark (a.k.a Sparky).

A tumultuous visit with Sparky in L.A. ended with a war of words at LAX. Though Sparky later apologized in a heartfelt letter, I felt very guarded when he came east for our next encounter two months later. I now Open The Vault to volume #57 and take you back to February of 1995...

February 15th, 1995
Lake Harmony, PA -- The Poconos

Dear Diary,

Mark has been more loving, attentive and generous with me than ever. The problem is I don’t feel the ‘glowy’ response I usually do with him.

Because of our horrible goodbye in December..I can’t just pick up where we left off before. We parted last time in very different places emotionally -- which is kind of a metaphor for how far apart we are in other ways too.

On The Boardwalk: Atlantic City was the second stop during a Valentine’s getaway with Sparky, February 1995

The age difference that has made our relationship so stimulating is revealing its drawbacks more and more.

He told me the other night he doesn’t want to have more children unless he can have them with me. This sentiment scares me, now that I’m realizing how unlikely it is that desire will become a reality.

Valentine’s Day was wonderful. At dinner last night, Mark acknowledged the uncertainty of our future and said we should just see each other whenever we can. At one point, he had a dreamy look on his face.

“I was just savoring the moment,” he explained.

Maybe that’s what I need to do.

* * *

Mark is upstairs smoking a joint right now. Admittedly, he has a bad back and pot helps alleviate the pain, but his use of it upsets me. Probably because it's a depressing reminder of just how starkly different our life's experiences have been.

* * *

February 17th, 1995

Mark asked me today--

“Do you want to cool things off a little, or stop seeing each other?”

I said no, but the truth is I don’t know what I want right now. We’ve shared so much, I don’t want to give up on us without a fight.

* * *

The battle to get back on solid relationship ground with Sparky continued after our Valentine’s getaway. Little did I know that, as our one-year anniversary approached, we would face our greatest challenge yet.

The Meaning Of Socks

Wednesday night, I met up with my new friend Jean for a light bite at Demarchelier, a charming French bistro on NYC’s Upper East Side.

As I enjoyed mushroom soup and crab and avocado salad (complemented by a smooth glass of Chardonnay), Jean and I talked about the allure of the blogosphere -- she’s got a fabulous idea for a new culture-themed blog -- and the perks and pitfalls of single hood.

Bistro Elegance: Demarchelier on NYC’s Upper East Side serves up delicious French fare

We both agreed that New York knows how to deliver an array of non dating-related distractions. The challenge? Finding commitment-minded males in this urban playground.

While trading Valentine’s Day horror stories, Jean shared with me her most recent one -- receiving socks from her boyfriend.

Apparently, he didn’t want to give her a gift that implied too much about his feelings. Mission accomplished and time to move on, Jean decided. Thoughtless, overexplained gifts -- when paired with a pattern of thoughtless, inattentive behavior -- are definitely a deal breaker.

Speaking of deal breakers, I shared with Jean my experience that they usually emerge early on. In an attempt to brush past the commitment issues I’ve often been (rightfully) accused of having, I’ve tended to ignore these initial red flags. And every single time, they’ve ended up contributing to why a relationship didn‘t work out.

Lesson learned -- trust your instincts. Or as Oprah and my wise, late mother used to say, when in doubt, don’t.

Up next…celebrity sightings at my second Fashion Week stint and being a first-time engagement party guest.

A Festive Valentine’s Day Downtown

Saturday night, my friends Tiffany, Prince and I headed down to Woolworth Tower Kitchen in NYC’s Financial District for Jon’s birthday bash.

Jon, 31, is a real estate guy I went out with a few times last summer. He recently resurfaced on – of course – Facebook – and I couldn’t resist the invite to his soiree. A true social butterfly, I had a feeling he would attract a decent crowd despite the fact that it was Valentine’s Day.

Sure enough, about 100 people filled the restaurant over the course of the evening – most of whom were single, many of whom were men.

As for the birthday boy himself, he greeted me exuberantly, admitting he’s been a “flake” about keeping in touch. I, meanwhile, was more interested in mingling – an activity Jon graciously helped facilitate for those of us in attendance who knew him and no one else.

A live band, belly dancer and DJ made Jon’s party a lively affair

As an energetic (albeit ear-crushing) Israeli band and DJ kept the dance floor packed, Tiff and I joined Jon and several of his buddies at a table, where we ended up sitting next to Aaron, an adorable West Point friend of his with an impressive resume (well traveled, athletic, job he’s passionate about, etc.).

While we were absorbed in conversation, Jon interrupted to tell Aaron how “amazing” I am. Later, when Jon spotted me by the bar, he asked me -- in a curious-like-a-girlfriend kind of way -- what happened with Aaron. I laughed, appreciating the irony of tapping into a former date’s social circle.

After braving the crowded dance floor to shake my booty with Tiffany and Prince to the Gipsy Kings’ “Bamboleo,” I continued chatting with Aaron.

I was a bit disappointed that he didn’t ask for my number when we said goodnight. Still, I couldn’t help smiling – about my fabulously festive Valentine’s Day, one that reminded me you never know who's going to cross your path when you least expect it.

The Most Important PR Campaign Ever

In the course of my four+ years in travel PR, I’ve had the good fortune of working on some groundbreaking campaigns.

From Starwood Caribbean’s award-winning Procreation Vacation package (named by yours truly) to Tourism Queensland’s current global phenomenon, Best Job In The World, these initiatives have taught me the tremendous value of getting your message out to as broad an audience as possible.

Now, inspired by friend and colleague Carla, I’ve decided to apply my PR savvy to a more personal objective -- finding Mr. Right.

When it comes to PR, the best ideas are often the simplest ones and so, I’m forgoing stunts in favor of deploying good old fashioned word of mouth to achieve my goal.

Who Should I date? You tell me!

I’ve already taken a few steps in this direction, putting friends, family and business associates on notice that I’m open to matchmaking attempts. Now, I’m asking you, dear readers, to play Cupid and answer the question -- who do you think I should date? Do you know a great guy -- or know someone who might know one -- that’s single and looking?

When it comes to bachelors, I don’t necessarily have a physical type. As I once told FoxNews.com, I’ve dated everything from short and balding to tall and muscular. I do have a few prerequisites, though. Here they are:

Age range: 35-45
Zip code: Anywhere in the tri-state area (NY, NJ, CT)
Must Haves: Intelligence, spirituality, ambition, a well-worn passport
Dealbreakers: Cats, dogs, small kids, no sense of humor
Optional: Enjoys Scrabble, concerts and a good meal

Feel free to forward this post far and wide -- viral marketing is key to any successful PR program -- and email me your suggested Mr. Right candidates at bravermanmelissa@gmail.com.

I can’t think of a better date than February 14th to launch a plan for finding a permanent sweetheart. Happy Valentine’s Day, Everyone!

By The Numbers: Valentine's Edition

Today may be Friday the 13th, but my mind is on Valentine’s Day -- an occasion I’ve always had a great affection for.

Any holiday celebrating love is a good thing, and this one has part of its origins in a fellow alum from my beloved alma mater Mount Holyoke College.

Victorian Valentine: A Mount Holyoke alum launched the tradition of Valentine's greeting cards

Artist and businesswoman Esther Howland, who graduated from MHC in 1847, is responsible for popularizing Valentine’s Day greeting cards. After receiving a Valentine from her father’s business associate, she marketed her own brand of Valentine’s cards – and so began the tradition that now keeps Hallmark in business and men scrambling at the last minute through the aisles of Victoria’s Secret.

Single and not, I’ve had more than a few memorable Valentine’s Days over the years. Here are a few standouts – By The Numbers:

Number of significant others with whom I didn’t get to spend Valentine’s Day: 2
Number of men who gave me a dozen roses for V-Day as I spent the evening with another: 1
Number of boyfriends who cut a business trip short to spend V-Day with me: 1
Number of romances that ended just before V-Day: 1
Number of teddy bears received for V-Day from long-distance sweethearts: 2

One of those teddy bears came from my high school sweetie Hogan, at a time when we hadn’t been in touch for awhile. The surprise was a wonderful reminder that Valentine’s Day is a great occasion for reconnecting with people close to your heart – and that it’s never too late to do that.

Up next…a girls night out double header and a look at the sleeper hit “Slumdog Millionaire.”