Opening The Vault: Part Sixty

When it comes to testing the mettle of a relationship, there’s nothing quite like traveling with a significant other. During my first trip back in 1999 with then-boyfriend and dashing Brit David, sharp personality differences emerged.

Sunset in Sedona: My first trip with David included a jeep tour of Sedona’s red rock mountains (January '99)

David and I headed to Arizona to visit college friends for new year’s. I now Open The Vault and take you back to ‘99...

January 2nd, 1999
Scottsdale, AZ

Dear Diary,

David and I are more than halfway into our four-day getaway and, amazingly enough, we’re not sick of each other. In fact, being with him 24/7 is much more fun and romantic than what I’ve experienced with other men.

Okay -- that’s the good part. Since nothing in life is ever perfect, neither is what’s transpired between us during this trip.

David has fallen into the habit of only saying the l-word when we fool around. Compounding my frustration about that are certain comments he’s made over the last few days.

He told me I was being a showoff after I trotted out the video of my on-camera reporting debut to show to our friends. And after I did a provocative karaoke performance, he said curiously--

“I don’t know how you do it.”

Translation; David is a shy person by nature, so he couldn’t fathom how I could get up and sing in front of a large crowd.

I am an outgoing person. Can David, being as reserved as he is, accept that? He says he wouldn’t change me for the world, but his comments this weekend tell a different story.
I love him. But I’m scared of the differences between us.

* * *

January 3rd, 1999

I still think David is the best man that’s ever come into my life. But I fear our differences could become a problem down the road. It was these differences that had me running scared back in October, when I split from D for two miserable days.

Sigh. I could just hear what Mom would say about my overanalyzing. She would tell me to go with the flow and remind me that borrowing trouble from the future will not deplete the supply. As usual, she’s right. If only she were here to tell me that herself.

* * *

David would continue to support me in navigating life without Mom. As I emerged from my grief, though, the dynamic between us would begin to change -- bringing my worst fears to the surface.

Opening The Vault: Part Forty

When you’re coasting along in a relationship, sometimes you find yourself wondering -- is there such a thing as being too comfortable? That question crossed my mind as I hit the six-month mark with my older boyfriend Larry.

Having experienced plenty of drama with long-distance love Mark (a.k.a Sparky), I wasn’t used to being with a man who knew how to work at a relationship. Complicating matters further -- the 16-year age difference between us. I knew that, as with Sparky, that May-December dynamic would eventually bring Larry and I to an impasse. Had that moment arrived?

I now Open The Vault and take you back to the summer of ‘96...

August 4th, 1996
Fairfield Beach, CT

Dear Diary,

It’s Larry’s birthday today -- the big 39 -- and we’re enjoying a relaxing afternoon at the beach as part of our special weekend celebrating the occasion.

Fairfield Beach: Larry and I celebrated six months together with a weekend away here

Last night, he wasn’t feeling well so I brought in dinner and dessert for us.

“You’re the best friend a sick man could ever have,” he said, as he drew me toward him for a hug and kiss. Curious about what I’d bought, he asked--

“What’ve you got there, Mel?”

I smiled. He never calls me by my nickname and earlier in the day, I had mentioned that. He listened and paid attention.

And he notices all those details females like me are so conscious about. As we were heading to dinner the other night and I asked him to zip me up, he said--

“This is cute -- have I seen this before?” and then kissing me lightly because he knew I’d just applied my makeup.

I’m so grateful Larry has come into my life. He makes no demands on me and he brings out the woman in me.

* * *

August 11th, 1996
New York, NY

Larry and I celebrated our six-month “anniversary” yesterday and the occasion provided an opportunity for us to reflect on our relationship.

An unsettling conversation with Mom earlier in the week had me questioning everything and wondering if she’s right in assuming I’m not being fair to Larry because of my inability to make a commitment.

Larry put my mind at ease, telling me that I have not led him on.

“I went into our relationship with my eyes open,” he insisted, adding that it’s way too soon for mom to be concerned we’re getting too serious.

Having been out of the dating scene for seven years before we met, Larry seems content to just enjoy the moment.

He asked me if I want to pull back. Given the no strings dynamic between us, I said no -- but I must admit I miss the excitement our chemistry had in the early days. It seem to get harder and harder to keep things interesting between us. I can’t help wondering -- are we fizzling out?

* * *

Though my worries turned out to be in vain, Larry and I did eventually reach a fork in the road about our future together -- one that would coincide with Sparky’s return.

Opening The Vault: Part Thirty Nine

Much as I’ve tried not to, I have invariably compared Mr. Right For Now to the men who have preceded him. A 1996 weekend getaway to Delaware with my then-beau Larry found me doing exactly that.

Broadkill Beach: This Delaware hamlet was where Larry and I spent our first getaway together

Having endured plenty of highway drama with my California-based ex Mark (a.k.a. Sparky), I was more than a little anxious about my first road trip with Larry. As it turned out, I had nothing to worry about -- apart from Sparky’s lingering ghost. I now Open The Vault and take you back to Independence Day of ‘96...

July 4th ,1996
Broadkill Beach, DE

Dear Diary,
Larry and I drove down here this morning. Much to my surprise, our four hours on the road flew by.

During our journey, Larry confided more about his colorful past, namely how he kept himself afloat financially after his father’s death when he was 16. It included stealing from a store he worked at.

I could feel my sense of propriety flare up. Immediately, I caught myself, looked out the window and took a deep breath.

It doesn’t matter, I reminded myself, you’re not going to marry him.

With Sparky, I treated every example of our different upbringings as a catastrophe of epic proportions. I loved him so much that it pained me to know we weren’t compatible, a pain exacerbated by his ability to properly address our problems.

Unlike Sparky, Larry listens to whatever frustrations I feel and try to cease the bothersome habit (e.g. provocative pillow talk). Considering he’s been a part of my life for nearly six months now, I have reached this wonderful comfort zone with him. But, of course, we’ve been together on a regular basis -- a luxury that Sparky and I never had.

When the Eagles’ song “Love Will Keep Us Alive” came on the radio, I couldn’t help wondering how vacations with Sparky might have been different had they been supplemented by a normal relationship.

Our differences notwithstanding, how could I feel anything but self-conscious and insecure during our trips? I felt the tremendous pressure of trying to compress the months we were apart into one isolated holiday.

Still, it seems like another lifetime ago that we were blissfully in love. I was a different person then. I’m more of a woman now -- I only wish Sparky could see that.

* * *

As I tried to convince myself Sparky was in the past, Larry and I were approaching a milestone of sorts. The occasion would prompt me to wonder if it was time to say goodbye.