Opening The Vault: Part Twenty Eight

It is often said that when you’re not with the one you love, love the one you’re with. That’s exactly what I did during my senior year of college.

Senior Ball: All gussied up for a big night on campus with local beau Dave, April 1995

As my long distance relationship with California-based Mark (a.k.a Sparky) hit choppy waters, I enjoyed a local romance with DJ and pre-med student hunk Dave. Dave was refreshingly uncomplicated and a much-needed departure from the drama with Sparky…especially on one fateful night that provided enough drama by itself.

I now Open The Vault to Volume #58 and take you back to the spring of 1995...

Mount Holyoke College
South Hadley, MA
April 13, 1995

Dear Diary,

It’s been an eventful week. I totaled my car, ended up spending the night at Dave’s as a result, and received rejection letters from every grad school that I applied to.

The other night, I was on my way to Dave’s and, in keeping with my unfortunate sense of direction, got lost. I ended up on a very dark, very winding road. Doing nearly 60 mph (in a 35 zone), I veered too quickly around a right-hand bend.

Suddenly, I lost control of the wheel and the car skidded off the road, over a small hill and crashed into a tree. Glass from the side windows blew out and the windshield cracked.

Miraculously, I was okay because I was wearing my seat belt. When I think about how crushed the front end of my Nissan was, I can’t believe I survived with only minor cuts and bruises.

* * *

April 15, 1995

Dave and I spent another night together. Objectively speaking, it was fun. The physical chemistry between us is good, and he’s very considerate and sweet. But, he’s not enough for me. In a word, he’s not Sparky.

…I miss him. Despite his infuriating quirks and bad habits, I love him. I know how lucky I am to be alive and to have the full life that I do, but I feel a void without him.

* * *

April 18, 1995

Sparky and I just had the most wonderful phone conversation.

“I wish things were different,” he said. “I wish we could have a normal relationship, for a little while at least.”

He added that if I knew the things he tells his colleagues about me, I’d be on the floor. When I pressed him for specifics, he said he’s told them--

“She’s the one I would marry.”

Sparky was quick to add that he knows I’m not ready. Still, he said--

“I’m waiting.”

* * *

For all of Sparky’s heartfelt declarations, and my willingness to play along with the fantasy of us ending up together, I knew that we were approaching a fork in the road. That we couldn’t continue doing the long distance routine much longer. A new chapter in my life --and a tumultuous trip to Sin City -- would be the catalysts for deciding our fate as a couple.

Opening The Vault: Part Twenty Seven

In a long distance relationship, you have to work twice as hard to stay together -- especially when there’s a 16-year age difference. That struggle intensified as I approached one year of dating my California-based sweetheart Mark (a.k.a. Sparky).

After two tumultuous encounters back to back, we decided to start dating other people. The tricky part -- though this was understood, we never explicitly talked about it.

As the younger half of our May-December romance, I was craving a male distraction of the local variety. Sure enough, during the second half of my senior year in college, that’s exactly what I got. I now Open The Vault to Volume #57 and take you back to the spring of 1995...

March 7, 1995
Mount Holyoke College,
South Hadley, MA

Dear Diary,

I had a date tonight with Dave, a DJ I met last Friday at a campus party.

Amazingly enough, I actually had a good time -- he’s cute, funny and impressed with my vocabulary. I even enjoyed the goodnight kiss. He was polite enough to ask if he could kiss me.

Mount Holyoke: My beloved alma mater was the backdrop for an unexpected senior year romance

“Could I make a strange moment any stranger?” Dave quipped, before leaning down to lock lips. He’s tall too -- a nice change from Sparky.

I realize that a lot of what made tonight enjoyable was that I wasn’t overanalyzing every little thing that happened. I have a bad habit of doing that with Sparky.

We spoke today.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked.

"Can't I just be calling to say I love you without an ulterior motive?"

“No,” he said with a laugh. “I know you, you’re pondering something.”

I was -- the possibility of going to LA next month.

Sparky lamented about his financial situation, mentioning the recent $500 bill from our Valentine’s excursion to The Poconos. I thanked him again for the trip and he said--

“I have to save for graduation.”

He made it sound like this milestone in my life was special for him too. Like he has every intention of being there.

* * *

March 13, 1995

I had a great time again with Dave. He had me laughing quite a bit -- and also wondering if there’s anything left to salvage between Sparky and I.

After a movie, Dave suggested we go for a walk on campus. We sat on a bench by the lake. He took my face in his hands and kissed me, eventually nibbling on my neck and earlobe.

As he put his arms around me and took my hand in his, Dave told me I’m terrific and incredible. When I returned the compliment, he said--

“That’s because I’m kissing you.”

Back at the dorm, there was a message on my machine from Sparky. I called him back and he asked where I’d been. I lied and said I was out with a girlfriend. I felt kind of duplicitous, but it’s better than feeling miserable -- which is what I’ve had enough of with Sparky.

* * *

My romance with Dave ended up getting me through more than just the long-distance blues. Dave would be right by my side when carelessness on my part led me to a brush with death.

Opening The Vault: Part Twenty Two

For as long as I can remember, travel has been one of my greatest passions. I’ve often said that I never met a trip I didn’t like.

The only thing better than exploring a new destination is sharing that experience with someone you love -- as I first discovered years ago when I visited long distance love Mark (a.k.a Sparky) in California.

A West Coast native, Sparky was the ideal tour guide. My inaugural L.A. visit included a drive up the Pacific Coast Highway (with stops at stunning Morro Bay and majestic Hearst Castle) and a visit to Disneyland.

The look of love: Sparky took this picture of me just before we arrived at Hearst Castle, August 1994

Unlike our blissful week together in London, though, this encounter forced me to see just how much was against us. I now Open The Vault and take you back to the summer of ‘94...

August 30th, 1994
Sparky’s Office, Universal Studios, CA

This vacation has been much bumpier than I anticipated it would be…The most disarming thing -- the level of intimacy our relationship has reached.

Part of the unadulterated freedom I felt with Sparky in London had to do with the fact that I was completely absorbed in the moment. Because everything between us was so new, thoughts of the future entered my mind only fleetingly, and even when they did, I didn’t attached any significance to them. This week, all that has changed.

For the first time in my life, I’m experiencing true love. And it scares me a little. For so long, I have yearned to have a great romance. What I never expected was that I would find something as intense, as passionate, and as near perfect as what Sparky and I share.

I find myself wondering over and over, how will all this resolve itself? The timing is wrong, but everything with Sparky feels right. In my years of mistakes with the opposite sex, this is one dilemma I’ve never had to face.

Well, Sparky just told me that I haven’t said two words to him, so I guess I should pretend I’m having a good time.

*Smile.* At least one thing is as I dreamed it would be--we are completely and truly in love.

* * *

Sparky remained on my mind and in my heart as I embarked on my senior year at Mount Holyoke College. Though I was determined our next encounter would have Sparky doing the traveling, that’s not what ended up happening.