A Weekend Jaunt To The Poconos

Last weekend, I left the hustle and bustle behind and headed to the Poconos for some family fun. After a breezy two-hour drive into the heart of Pennsylvania’s lush territory, I arrived at the home of my Uncle Chucky, Titi (a.k.a Auntie) Rosie and younger cousin Melanie.

Family Bonding: (from left) Titi Rosie, my cousin Melanie and Mel’s eight-month-old cutie Caden

Uncle Chuck threw some burgers on the grill and we talked about their upcoming trip to Aruba. The getaway will be their first alone together since Melanie was born 20 years ago, so Rosie was wondering how they’d fare without her. With a laugh, Rosie acknowledged she’s more of a talker than Uncle Chuck, which got us on the subject of women in general needing to converse more than the opposite sex.

Speaking of girl talk, Rosie and I later did plenty of it – about how relationships evolve over time and how, the longer you’re single, the more difficult it can be to open yourself up to someone new.

Rosie empathized, recalling that because of her painful divorce, she had no interest in marriage when she first met Uncle Chuck. She said you never know how a relationship is going to unfold, that even a bumpy start doesn’t necessarily rule out happily ever after.

Her insight gave me pause. As someone who’s made a career out of identifying why Mr. Right For Now can only be just that, it’s nice to think that, someday, I might end up being surprised by his longevity.

Opening The Vault: Part Twenty Six

Of star-crossed lovers, Shakespeare once wrote parting is such sweet sorrow. That was equally true following my first big fight with long-distance love Mark (a.k.a Sparky).

A tumultuous visit with Sparky in L.A. ended with a war of words at LAX. Though Sparky later apologized in a heartfelt letter, I felt very guarded when he came east for our next encounter two months later. I now Open The Vault to volume #57 and take you back to February of 1995...

February 15th, 1995
Lake Harmony, PA -- The Poconos

Dear Diary,

Mark has been more loving, attentive and generous with me than ever. The problem is I don’t feel the ‘glowy’ response I usually do with him.

Because of our horrible goodbye in December..I can’t just pick up where we left off before. We parted last time in very different places emotionally -- which is kind of a metaphor for how far apart we are in other ways too.

On The Boardwalk: Atlantic City was the second stop during a Valentine’s getaway with Sparky, February 1995

The age difference that has made our relationship so stimulating is revealing its drawbacks more and more.

He told me the other night he doesn’t want to have more children unless he can have them with me. This sentiment scares me, now that I’m realizing how unlikely it is that desire will become a reality.

Valentine’s Day was wonderful. At dinner last night, Mark acknowledged the uncertainty of our future and said we should just see each other whenever we can. At one point, he had a dreamy look on his face.

“I was just savoring the moment,” he explained.

Maybe that’s what I need to do.

* * *

Mark is upstairs smoking a joint right now. Admittedly, he has a bad back and pot helps alleviate the pain, but his use of it upsets me. Probably because it's a depressing reminder of just how starkly different our life's experiences have been.

* * *

February 17th, 1995

Mark asked me today--

“Do you want to cool things off a little, or stop seeing each other?”

I said no, but the truth is I don’t know what I want right now. We’ve shared so much, I don’t want to give up on us without a fight.

* * *

The battle to get back on solid relationship ground with Sparky continued after our Valentine’s getaway. Little did I know that, as our one-year anniversary approached, we would face our greatest challenge yet.