Singles Event Pick: Valentine's Week At Havana Central

NYC’s Havana Central is celebrating Valentine’s Day with a Week of Love. Two of the Cuban restaurant’s three locations are hosting fun events for singles.

On Tuesday February 9th from 7-9pm at Havana Central Times Square, kick off Valentine’s Week with the Love Potion Cocktail Challenge.

Cocktail lovers are invited to create a unique “Love Potion” cocktail using Bacardi rum. The winner will receive a $250 prize, credit on menus and a plaque commemorating this first-ever Cocktail Challenge at Havana Central.

Havana Central: The Cuban restaurant chain is hosting a series of Valentine’s-themed events

Entries should be emailed to lovepotion@havanacentral.com and click here for full contest rules and regulations.

On Thursday February 11th, join relationship experts Tamsen Fadal and Matt Titus for an evening of dating do’s and don’ts, featuring a panel of three men-about-town on hand to answer questions. Tickets are $15 and include one “Love Potion” cocktail. For reservations, email ylanfranco@havanacentral.com.

Finally, start off Valentine’s weekend with Spice It Up Speed Dating at Havana Central’s uptown location on Friday February 12th.

Geared toward singles ages 25-45, the event runs from 7:45 to 9:45pm. Ticket price of $59.95 includes tax, hors d’oeuvres and one Havana Central classic cocktail. To purchase, call 1-800-406-0832 or visit the following links:
Women (ages: 22-32) and men (ages: 24-34) , women (ages: 25- 35) and men (ages: 27-37) and
women (ages: 30 – 38) and men (ages: 34- 44) .

The Allure Of The Unattainable

At last month’s Dating Boot Camp event, NYC-based matchmaker Matt Titus talked about the rules of attraction. When a woman makes herself too available to a guy, he warned, it’s “game over.” I couldn’t help thinking of my own experience with that age-old rule of playing hard to get – and wondering if it still applies today.

Is there any value in playing hard to get?

Years ago, during my complicated relationship with California-based beau Mark (a.k.a Sparky), I had a feeling that the built-in tension of our situation had a lot to do with his ardent pursuit of me.

Several months into our long-distance romance, I called him on it. Sparky insisted his only motivation was love. When I asked him a second time why he was so persistent, he gave me a different answer.

“Sometimes, it’s the quest of knowing what you can’t have that makes you so persistent,” he said.

Sparky’s observation made sense. After all, having grown up watching both soap operas and two parents whose enduring love had been preceded by a fiery courtship, I couldn’t help being enticed by the drama too. But is drama a prerequisite for passion? And does playing hard to get have to be a part of it?

Maybe not, says my good friend Heidi. Her new boyfriend recently told her that if they’re still together in a year, they should get married.

“This,” she told me, “is how our relationships should be... easy. I know the whole thing about ‘if it's not worth fighting for, it's not worth having,’ but I like this way much, much better.”

I think it’s easier to do without the drama – self-made or otherwise – when it feels like a relationship is progressing naturally over time and, of course, when you’re both on the same page about the direction in which it’s heading.

As for playing it cool, I’ve come to think of it more in terms of taking things slowly. Because when you’re making room for romance in your life, and balancing that with staying true to yourself, why rush it?

Dating Boot Camp Finale: Part Two

As I was heading out of the Q&A portion of Dating Boot Camp, I was surprised to run into a familiar face -- Patrick, the brother of a guy I dated briefly back in ‘94.

Patrick filled me in about on his family and production gig with a Chinese news service.

We ended up chatting with a British gal about the many rules put forward by matchmakers Matt and Tamsen at Dating Boot Camp. Why, she wondered, should women have to consider so many dos and don’ts when, as Matt said himself during his presentation, men aren’t similarly minded?

I couldn’t help thinking that she had a point. There seems to be an a lot of strategy involved in engaging the self-admittedly simplistic members of the opposite sex.

One eligible bachelor, hunky actor Chance Von Spiessbach gave me his take on how dating in New York differs from other places (England, France, Hong Kong) he’s lived in.

Chance and me at Dating Boot Camp

“Aphrodisiacs vary country to country,” he said. “In New York, the [top] two are power and money -- qualities that have nothing to do with a person’s inside.”

Chance also shared his experience of romances that fizzled out unexpectedly. Like the woman he hit it off with who, after weeks of dating, suddenly stopped returning his calls. He later learned that she was pregnant with someone’s else child.

He admitted there have been times he too has stopped communicating with a woman strictly because of unanticipated developments in his own life. Bottom line, when a man doesn’t call, you shouldn’t (necessarily) take it personally.

Speaking of dating rules, I’ve found a few that seem to work most of the time. Among them -- be yourself, exercise common sense and, of course, don’t be a stalker.

I’ve been on the receiving end of the latter (most memorably, during my high school days). There’s nothing sexy about a date calling to say he’s enjoying the view of your bedroom window from across the street. Especially when you have to see him in class the next day.

Dating Boot Camp: The Finale

Last week, I attended the fourth and final installment of Lord & Taylor’s Dating Boot Camp.

Once again, Gotham-based married matchmaking duo Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal led the entertaining seminar, talking about what to do on Date Night. Joined by a panel of men that included Thrillist.com editor Hayden Lynch and actor Chance Von Spiessbach, Matt and Tamsen dished out some first date dos and don’ts.

Panelists Hayden Lynch and Chance Von Spiessbach at Dating Boot Camp

When it comes to attire, be comfortable -- no muffin tops or excessive cleavage, Matt says.

Also off limits on a first date -- talking about therapy, babies or the future. And, don’t invite your date inside, unless your intentions are purely physical.

“The journey to Mr. Right has to be pleasant,” Matt said. “Compartmentalize what you want from a man and act accordingly.”

Tamsen encouraged women to play the field, as she was doing when Matt first asked her out.

“ 'I’ll throw you into the rotation,’ I told him,” she said. “[You should] have three to four guys in your rotation.”

One of the night’s most debated topics – who should pay on a first date.

“Let him be the guy on a first date,” Matt advised.

He’s not alone in what, as I recently discovered, many believe is archaic thinking. According to Match.com survey, a whopping 71% of men think they should pay on a first date (versus 58% of women).

As for the inevitable post-first date question -- why hasn’t he called? -- Matt explained that men have a totem pole of priorities (career, friends, pets, etc.) and it takes time for a new woman time to work her way into it.

“To him, a call equals a commitment,” he said. “If you call first, you’ve shown him all of your cards, establishing who asks and chases. Let him chase you.”

Having experienced the dynamic of male-as-pursuer on more than one occasion, I must admit I’m inclined to agree with him.

Coming up…a brief reunion with a long-distance dear friend and a quick jaunt to Puerto Rico.

Dating Boot Camp: Part Two

Tuesday night, the second part of Dating Boot Camp at Lord & Taylor featured a Q&A with “The Man Panel.”

Taking part in the panel were Cosmopolitan editor Ky Henderson, YourTango.com's Tom Miller, Thrillist.com founder and editor-in-chief Adam Rich, SexySlang.com’s Tom Scofield and From Schlub to Stud author Max Gross.

The Man Panel: (from left) Tom Scofield, Tom Miller, Max Gross, Ky Henderson and Adam Rich

Married NYC-based dating coaches Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal fielded questions from the inquisitive crowd, including yours truly.

Earlier, the duo had advised against talking too much about yourself on a first date. So I posed the question -- what do you do when a guy doesn’t let you get a word in edgewise?

“Time him,” Matt said without missing a beat. “Then tell him ‘you’ve been talking about yourself for 15 minutes. Now I’m going to do the same and you’re going to ask me interesting questions. Go!’ "

Another single lady asked, should you end a first date with a kiss? Adam and most other guys on the panel shared my point of view on this (assuming the chemistry is there, of course) -- absolutely.

Adam also weighed in on the meat market mentality of guys in the Big Apple. He admitted that men aren’t easily captivated because they know they’re in a city teeming with smart, attractive women. To quantify that, Matt cited the well-known stat that there are 200,000 more single women than men here in Gotham. How reassuring.

After the Q&A: Dating coach and author Tamsen Fadal and me

After the Q&A, everyone made their way to Lord & Taylor’s little black dress section for complimentary cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. Matt happily dispensed no-nonsense advice to inquiring women, among them one whose current beau has a penchant for last-minute plans (“He’s got a girlfriend,” he told her).

Matt Titus listening to the ladies at Dating Boot Camp

He also filled me in about PerfectFind.com, the new dating website he and Tamsen are starting. Though I’ve about had my fill of Match.com and the like, I’m signing up for this one. It’s free and it encourages friends (i.e. wingmen) to join too.

Dating Boot Camp continues with two more Tuesday sessions on June 2nd and June 9th. For more info, visit Lord and Taylor’s website.

Dating Boot Camp: The Look Men Love

Tuesday night, I headed over to Lord & Taylor for Dating Boot Camp with married NYC matchmaking duo and bestselling authors Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal.

After grabbing a glass of free champagne, I took my seat among the sassy audience of about 125 women for a lively two-hour session about “The Look Men Love.”

Dating Boot Camp: Matt Titus and Tamsen Fadal with (left) Cosmopolitan editor Ky Henderson and YourTango.com's Tom Miller

Citing a poll of 5,000 singles, Matt and Tamsen confirmed what most of us already know – looks are what attracts a man first (versus financial status and personality, the top two draws for women). And nothing’s sexier than confidence. The kind of confidence, they said, always exemplified by the Bond Girl.

Of the many tips Matt and Tamsen offered women on the prowl (always look your best, maximize your assets, etc.), my favorite was about keeping your eyes open.

“Lift your head and put it on a swivel,” Matt said. “You can’t schedule love.”

He’s right. Especially in a city like New York, you can never underestimate the power of looking around. Smiling at a stranger, or even being bold enough to say hello, can lead to a surprise connection. If nothing else, it offers the opportunity to flirt – a skill that’s always fun to practice.

Coming up…Q&A with the man panel at Dating Boot Camp and dreaming big during a girls night out.