Sunday, September 7, 2008

Outrageous First Dates: Verse One

Since discovering the opposite sex nearly two decades ago, I’ve had my fair share of memorable first dates -- from the sublime to the sublimely ridiculous. When it comes to the latter, I can’t help chuckling about some of the characters I’ve spent an evening with.

There was the NYC restaurateur who asked me if I wanted to hear about his broken engagement. In an effort to be polite, I hesitantly said yes--and then nothing more, as my date subjected me to a 30-minute retrospective of where he and his ex went wrong.

Then there was the guy who couldn’t seem to decide whether he was projecting too far into the past or the future. He remarked how cute our nicknames would sound together if we became a couple -- an observation that seemed a bit odd considering that it followed a lengthy exposition about his sex life with a previous girlfriend.

No roundup of outrageous first dates would be complete without mentioning my encounter with H, an ex’s best friend. Though said encounter wasn’t actually a date per se -- I had invited H to a singles party at my place -- it quickly became apparent he interpreted it as such.

After the soiree ended and it was just the two of us in the living room, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. When I returned, I found H stretched out across my bed (covers turned down, candles lit) naked as a jaybird. The unexpected dorsal view of a 6”3 guy was enough to shake me out of my slightly tipsy state. I made it clear that his little seduction routine wasn’t going anywhere, and instructed him to get dressed and go.

Funnily enough, though the outcome was exactly the same, this wasn’t my first experience of such forward first date behavior.

Stay tuned for more about that particular episode…and many more outrageous first date stories, including some from a few brave souls who’ve shared their own sordid tales with me.

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