Monday, January 4, 2010

When Desire Trumps Etiquette

In this post-Sex And The City era of dating, it’s not uncommon for etiquette to take a back seat to physical desire. I couldn’t help thinking about this during a recent conversation with fellow single thirty something Ujji.

Ujji mentioned a guy that told her it was over because she wouldn’t perform a certain sexual request of his -- on date #4. Her tale prompted me to share the now-infamous story of H, a 40-year-old real estate attorney I dated briefly with a libido as large as his ego.

H’s inappropriate antics began with sprawling out naked uninvited on my bed at the end of a singles party I hosted -- and continued with repeated attempts to push the envelope physically.

“With anyone else I’ve dated, I would have had sex ten times by now,” he said about 10 days into our ill-fated dalliance.

Later that night at my place, I returned from the bathroom to find H sitting on my couch -- without his pants or underwear on. I was aghast, not to mention anxious from a hygiene standpoint (who knows if scotchgard covers bodily fluids?). The evening was our last for nearly a year, until H resurfaced, exhibiting much greater restraint.

When it comes to physical intimacy, everyone has their own idea for how quickly it should unfold. Call me old fashioned, but I much prefer a timetable that allows plenty of room for romance. Or, at the very least, doesn’t damage the furniture.


Anonymous said...

you might actually try some kind of activity...this blog is, frankly boring and you appear destined to remain single for quite some time...

Melissa said...

Thanks for the feedback (despite lacking the gumption to attach your name to it), and the melodramatic prediction about my future. I don't think activity as described in this post and etiquette are mutually exclusive --and I know from most of the men I've dated that enjoying one without sacrificing the other is anything BUT boring.