When you reconcile with an ex, there’s always the risk that it won’t be as good the second time around. Back in ‘96, the gamble paid off -- briefly, anyway -- for me and then-boyfriend Larry.
With a new understanding based upon the fact that I couldn’t make a long-term commitment to him, Larry did his best to make me happy and to make up for what had contributed to our breakup -- his failure to support me through my mother’s illness. I now Open The Vault and take you back to the winter of 1996...
November 28th, 1996
New York, NY
Thursday night, Larry treated us to a big night out -- dinner, drinks at Naked Lunch in the Village and dancing at Windows on the World.
Thoughts of Sparky came up when a love song by Sting came on, but my usual wistfulness was happily supplanted by the gratification of knowing I’m with a much better man now.
“I want us to have a wonderful relationship,” Larry murmured as we held hands across the table. “You deserve that.”
* * *
December 4th, 1996
I’m nursing a bad cold at the moment. Sleep deprivation has wreaked havoc on my body -- though, on the bright side, it’s resulted in lots of TLC from Larry.
As we held each other last night, I looked at Larry and found myself wishing I could give him more. While talking about our relationship, he said--
“Neither of us lives in a dream world. When we spend more time together, you’ll know. And so will I.”
The ominous foreboding of his words made me bury my head in Larry’s chest, hating the thought of our eventual parting. I don’t want to think of us as marking time, I want what we have to last as long as it can.
“It’s there, you know,” he said as we embraced.
“What is?” I wondered.
“The L word,” he said softly.
I know it is.
* * *
It was the closest that Larry and I would ever come to saying those three little words. And it took our final weeks together for me to realize just how much he had done -- and what it would cost him -- to express that sentiment.