Our tumultuous two days together found me reevaluating the relationship I had just exited, with captivating but complicated teddy bear Larry. Sure enough, I found my way back to Larry, albeit with very specific restrictions about what might (and might not) be in store for us. I now Open The Vault and take you back to November of 1996...
November 11th, 1996
New York, NY
Dear Diary,
I think I’m becoming a pretty fickle woman when it comes to romantic entanglements. Today, Larry and I got back together -- just one day after a hot and heavy makeout session with my hairdresser and less than a week after my reunion with Mark. My emotions are all over the place these days.
After Mark left, for the first time, I started wondering if Mom was right when she once surmised that I’m “in love with love” rather than still smitten with my on-again/off-again. I also found myself comparing Mark to Larry and feeling that Larry is unquestionably the better man.
Last Thursday, Larry had been on my mind quite a bit so I was surprised to come home and find a card from him -- with the most beautiful words a man has ever articulated to me.
He wrote at great length about how I’ve changed his life and how much he regrets not being there for me when Mom first got sick. I knew we needed to see each other again, if only so I could say a lot of what I failed to during our “Last Supper,” as he called it.
Nobu: A delicious lunch here with Larry led to a reprise for usWell, what was intended to be a farewell lunch turned into a stroll down memory lane. Eventually, Larry took my hand and we were in each other’s arms. All of the old feelings were there, and every part of me melted as he squeezed me tightly.
I reiterated my inability to make a commitment and, as always, Larry listened and heard me. What impressed me most, though, was the soul searching he’s done during our 3 weeks apart. He seems committed to leaving his emotional baggage in the past.
No matter how many times I kept coming back to my restrictions, he insisted he can accept them.
“I just want it to be as good as it can be,” he said, hastening to add, “Until we’re done.”
“No strings?” I replied cautiously.
“None,” he said.
Things are different this time. I’ve indicated we should date other people and we’re not going to see each other as much as we did before. But that doesn’t mean we can’t add to one another’s lives. There is a level of affection and understanding between Larry and I that I’ve had with no other man.
And now that I’ve shelved most of my wistfulness about Mark, I feel freer to enjoy Larry without any baggage of my own. Here’s hoping the second time around for us is as good as the first.
* * *
Larry and I managed to fall back into a nice groove with each other, one that would continue for a couple of months. Much like what happened with Mark, though, the age gap between us would become impossible to overcome.
No comments:
Post a Comment