Saturday, June 20, 2009

Opening The Vault: Part Forty

When you’re coasting along in a relationship, sometimes you find yourself wondering -- is there such a thing as being too comfortable? That question crossed my mind as I hit the six-month mark with my older boyfriend Larry.

Having experienced plenty of drama with long-distance love Mark (a.k.a Sparky), I wasn’t used to being with a man who knew how to work at a relationship. Complicating matters further -- the 16-year age difference between us. I knew that, as with Sparky, that May-December dynamic would eventually bring Larry and I to an impasse. Had that moment arrived?

I now Open The Vault and take you back to the summer of ‘96...

August 4th, 1996
Fairfield Beach, CT

Dear Diary,

It’s Larry’s birthday today -- the big 39 -- and we’re enjoying a relaxing afternoon at the beach as part of our special weekend celebrating the occasion.

Fairfield Beach: Larry and I celebrated six months together with a weekend away here

Last night, he wasn’t feeling well so I brought in dinner and dessert for us.

“You’re the best friend a sick man could ever have,” he said, as he drew me toward him for a hug and kiss. Curious about what I’d bought, he asked--

“What’ve you got there, Mel?”

I smiled. He never calls me by my nickname and earlier in the day, I had mentioned that. He listened and paid attention.

And he notices all those details females like me are so conscious about. As we were heading to dinner the other night and I asked him to zip me up, he said--

“This is cute -- have I seen this before?” and then kissing me lightly because he knew I’d just applied my makeup.

I’m so grateful Larry has come into my life. He makes no demands on me and he brings out the woman in me.

* * *

August 11th, 1996
New York, NY

Larry and I celebrated our six-month “anniversary” yesterday and the occasion provided an opportunity for us to reflect on our relationship.

An unsettling conversation with Mom earlier in the week had me questioning everything and wondering if she’s right in assuming I’m not being fair to Larry because of my inability to make a commitment.

Larry put my mind at ease, telling me that I have not led him on.

“I went into our relationship with my eyes open,” he insisted, adding that it’s way too soon for mom to be concerned we’re getting too serious.

Having been out of the dating scene for seven years before we met, Larry seems content to just enjoy the moment.

He asked me if I want to pull back. Given the no strings dynamic between us, I said no -- but I must admit I miss the excitement our chemistry had in the early days. It seem to get harder and harder to keep things interesting between us. I can’t help wondering -- are we fizzling out?

* * *

Though my worries turned out to be in vain, Larry and I did eventually reach a fork in the road about our future together -- one that would coincide with Sparky’s return.


Cornholio Mangus said...
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Cornholio Mangus said...

It's funny; I can actually relate to that. I'm 36 and my current girlfriend is 24. On occasion, I feel as if I'm training her, or giving her a space to grow into, or whatever. This may be the first time that I've read from the younger-woman perspective.

As far as the commitment issue is concerned, I think most men in these kind of romances know the score. You Larry didn't seem to be pining for a commitment, just as I now do not pine for one.

I wonder how common this dynamic is in the wider world.